Adoration – Six Sentence Story

Artwork by Phil Burns

This challenge is produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – EXCHANGE

Click here to hear the author read his words:


I guess that every school has a couple like this, that everyone else envies and looks up to.

I watch them as they dance, so close, so natural, the way they move as one, the looks they exchange every time they move apart, and I burn with desire.

She is gorgeous beyond words, small but curvy with great legs, eyes that most guys would be happy to drown in, and a smile that lights the world, so I think it’s fair to say that she could replace him with about ten different guys and still be the Golden Couple.

He’s a rugby player, same as me, although much taller, close to two metres in height and still skinny, still growing, with huge hands and feet, an easygoing attitude and a quick smile, but even his mum couldn’t say he was handsome.

But she has the pick of the guys and she’s picked him, says that he’s sweet, that he has hidden charms, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

The thing is, I know they’re not right for each other, so I stay in the background, patiently suppressing my jealousy, waiting for the day when she grows weary of him, and then, when the dust and tears settle, I’ll be the one who’s there, ready to comfort my poor gangling love.

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38 Responses to Adoration – Six Sentence Story

  1. Oh my, I adored this one, It started with nothing but ‘sweet’ thoughts about her, and then there were… the true intentions.


  2. Liz H says:

    Love the twist, of course, but the lead-up was rich and equal to balance it all out. Well done!!


  3. Sometimes you just know it won’t work. Still, jealousy is unbecoming, it could ruin everything before it starts. He’d best watch out for that.


  4. UP says:

    you are so right. there are days when the words just wont come. good six


  5. That “predictable” primrose path led right up to the end- well timed, well placed twist!


  6. Lindsey says:

    I love the flow of this story and can identify with any onlooker! It does sound like this young man’s jealousy is not so suppressed!


  7. ladysighs says:

    I was always a wallflower at those dances. 😦 Maybe you should have looked over my way. We might not have passed for the Golden or Silver Couple. But I bet we would have won the Bronze!


  8. Reena Saxena says:

    May the most appropriate person win!


  9. The start was so cute, and then the narrator showed his true intentions. I wonder how long he’ll wait.


  10. You “like a wee twist..”, ceayr?
    Why, yes, yes you do, lol and I’d venture it might even be your signature move.
    Had me going with the “aww”….until the end. Well done!


  11. clark says:

    Way to show range, dude!

    * you know, a compliment


  12. A fine piece, sir, worthy of a wider audience. For once a twist isn’t left to carry the full weight of the story and that is admirable in itself.


    • ceayr says:

      Thanks, Doug.
      It is a gentler twist this week, merely a small adjustment on what is expected.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Seriously, I hope you are submitting your work to some litmags and competitions.


        • ceayr says:

          If you check my About page, Doug, you’ll see I’ve featured in a few reputable magazines in Scotland, as well as a variety of radio shows, and even been paid occasionally! But mostly I write longer pieces now, and I’m just into the revision stage of a murder mystery novella. I have been thinking about sticking a couple more collections onto Amazon. And, also seriously, your support is much appreciated.

          Liked by 1 person

  13. Cassa Bassa says:

    The finale is just a pleasant surprise!


  14. The narrator is smitten with her. If they’re right for each other, I hope it all works out so well


  15. jenne49 says:

    Well now, you surpass yourself each time in twists and this one was a beauty – right up to the second last word.
    Your imagination and skill with words leave me – almost – speechless. 😉


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