This challenge is produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – EXCHANGE
Click here to hear the author read his words:
Adoration
I guess that every school has a couple like this, that everyone else envies and looks up to.
I watch them as they dance, so close, so natural, the way they move as one, the looks they exchange every time they move apart, and I burn with desire.
She is gorgeous beyond words, small but curvy with great legs, eyes that most guys would be happy to drown in, and a smile that lights the world, so I think it’s fair to say that she could replace him with about ten different guys and still be the Golden Couple.
He’s a rugby player, same as me, although much taller, close to two metres in height and still skinny, still growing, with huge hands and feet, an easygoing attitude and a quick smile, but even his mum couldn’t say he was handsome.
But she has the pick of the guys and she’s picked him, says that he’s sweet, that he has hidden charms, whatever that’s supposed to mean.
The thing is, I know they’re not right for each other, so I stay in the background, patiently suppressing my jealousy, waiting for the day when she grows weary of him, and then, when the dust and tears settle, I’ll be the one who’s there, ready to comfort my poor gangling love.
Oh my, I adored this one, It started with nothing but ‘sweet’ thoughts about her, and then there were… the true intentions.
Yes, sweet but not her!
Love the twist, of course, but the lead-up was rich and equal to balance it all out. Well done!!
Thanks, Liz, glad you were paying attention!
I know it’s well worth the time & effort, with your. Work
Sometimes you just know it won’t work. Still, jealousy is unbecoming, it could ruin everything before it starts. He’d best watch out for that.
Maybe his time will come…
you are so right. there are days when the words just wont come. good six
As Monsieur David says, Words don’t come easy…
That “predictable” primrose path led right up to the end- well timed, well placed twist!
I see you got it, D!
I love the flow of this story and can identify with any onlooker! It does sound like this young man’s jealousy is not so suppressed!
Well, Lindsey, it can’t be easy when your true love’s heart is stolen by a pretty young face.
I was always a wallflower at those dances. 🙁 Maybe you should have looked over my way. We might not have passed for the Golden or Silver Couple. But I bet we would have won the Bronze!
Any couple with you in it, dear Lady, would shine with a golden glow!
If only I had seen you…
May the most appropriate person win!
Indeed, Reena. It can often take time on both sides
The start was so cute, and then the narrator showed his true intentions. I wonder how long he’ll wait.
Until his love gets dumped by that pesky girl?
Could be 🤷
That was what I meant, Bernadette.
The clue is in the second last word.
You “like a wee twist..”, ceayr?
Why, yes, yes you do, lol and I’d venture it might even be your signature move.
Had me going with the “aww”….until the end. Well done!
I like when ‘aww’ becomes ‘oh’, Denise!
Damn*
Way to show range, dude!
* you know, a compliment
Jings*
Thanks, Clark.
*you know, a surprise
A fine piece, sir, worthy of a wider audience. For once a twist isn’t left to carry the full weight of the story and that is admirable in itself.
Thanks, Doug.
It is a gentler twist this week, merely a small adjustment on what is expected.
Seriously, I hope you are submitting your work to some litmags and competitions.
If you check my About page, Doug, you’ll see I’ve featured in a few reputable magazines in Scotland, as well as a variety of radio shows, and even been paid occasionally! But mostly I write longer pieces now, and I’m just into the revision stage of a murder mystery novella. I have been thinking about sticking a couple more collections onto Amazon. And, also seriously, your support is much appreciated.
The finale is just a pleasant surprise!
Thanks, Cassa, I’m being nice, I haven’t bumped off anyone for ages!
Patience is a virtue. 😸
Excellent
Thank you
The narrator is smitten with her. If they’re right for each other, I hope it all works out so well
Cheers, Larry
Well now, you surpass yourself each time in twists and this one was a beauty – right up to the second last word.
Your imagination and skill with words leave me – almost – speechless. 😉
Chance would be a fine thing!
But I do like a wee twist…