Fairy Tale Princess Six Sentence Story

Artwork by Phil Burns

This challenge is produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – COFFEE

Click here to hear the author read his words:

Fairy Tale Princess

Even for a beautiful Princess, life’s not all handsome frogs and grass slippers, says the king with his usual tenuous grasp on unreality, you should never have divorced that charming Prince whatsisname.

That no-good silver-tongued cheating sexy conniving gorgeous cheapskate, retorts the Princess, he’s just lucky I left him his Crown Jewels, they were all he had that were worth anything!

Well, I’ve tried all the usual advertising, in the Royal Proclamation Weekly, the Dragon-Slayers Monthly, the International Herald Tribune and even the Ayrshire Post, as well as a Special Feature in the Official Programme for the Annual Lesmahagow Coffee Growers’ Convention, with no luck, my darling drain on my scant resources, so it seems that the hand of a slightly shop-soiled beautiful Princess is not the highly desirable prize it was Once Upon a Time.

Furthermore, and forsooth, my precious pernicious pestilence, we’re pretty much broke, penniless, skint, poverty-stricken, borassic, penurious, indigent, rooked and impoverished, also we have no money, and I really miss my Scotch Pies, so I suggest you reconsider the offer from the butcher for one of his sons, Hal, Al, or wee Porkchop.

But Daddy, there must be someone out there better suited than a mere tradesman, a meat merchant, a slaughterman, no matter how spectacular his black pudding, to marry the King’s daughter, who is, after all, the most beautiful Princess in all the realm and entitled to live, as in all the best Fairy Tales, Happily Ever After.

Yeah, about that, my little mustard and marzipan medley, maybe it’s time you invested in a mirror and realised that you currently have more chins than you do curves and that your delightful countenance is now oft compared by the last remaining servant, (who stays, incidentally, only because he is now infirm, being deficient in the leg division to the tune of at least one*, and therefore unable to hop off as the other 1,314 have done in the past few years) to a plate of cold, half-eaten Haggis, tatties and neeps, so, my swollen Pimple on the Buttock of Humanity, give your hair a wee brush, dicht your coupon, and get yourself down to the Pie Shop tout de suite.

*With thanks to Pete and Dud

This entry was posted in Sound Bite Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Fairy Tale Princess Six Sentence Story

  1. Nancy Richy says:

    OMG! I laughed so hard, COFFEE came out of my nose!! This is a masterpiece of hilarity, probably the greatest thing I’ve read by you. It’s also the only thing I’ve read by you but let’s not be picky. That, sir, will soon change! Thank you for making me laugh first thing this morning! 🤣 🤣 ☕️


  2. Liz H says:

    If she’s nicer than she seems, Wee Porkchop might have her!


  3. Chapeau, ceayr. Fairy Tale Princess meets four and twenty blackbirds? 😁
    Entertaining Six!


  4. UP says:

    funny from start to finish. brilliant job


  5. What a fantastically furious firebrand fun piece is this, Ceayr!


  6. Absolutely brilliant, hilarious from beginning to end and beyond!


  7. clark says:

    I’m sorry, but you surely saw the sign, on this most common of Common Green(s), “No Alittering’


  8. Staarlz says:

    Must say I liked “forsooth” the best–I wish it were still part of language today…but I suppose someone’s already got an emoji for it😉 Are the temps pretty hot where you are?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Vintage, ceayr. SOC meets cruel and unusual pun-ishment. btw our lives must stop meeting like this; it was only last night I was cackling away to the unidexter sketch.


  10. Heeheehee! Reality does bite sometimes.


  11. Oh the wordplay… and the “also we have no money” made me chuckle.


  12. jenne49 says:

    Here’s fun with language and the sounds of language, double meanings, cultural and historical allusions – my personal favourite is 1,314 servants hopping off – and all wrapped up in an excellent take-off of the Fairy Tale Princess. A wee masterpiece.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Katrin "Kate" McElderry says:

    This really made me laugh! Love it!… so funny.


  14. Lindsey says:

    Very funny. I’m still laughing. Obviously great use of language.


  15. Cassa Bassa says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing 🤣🤣🤣 how did you come up those names? 😸


Leave your Sound Bite here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.