In the Kitchen with a Mime

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
And the prompt, which this week is a
fascinating photo by Valerie J. Barrett.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on this picture, below.

© Valerie J Barrett

Click here to hear the writer read his words:

In the Kitchen with a Mime

Friday Fictioneers is aghast.
It seems that Monsieur Nez-Rouge is dead.
Cause of death is, apparent
ly, a diminutive purple mime embedded in his gigantic round red conk.
She too is deceased,
probably by suffocation.
Or so one fervently hopes.
The alternatives are too ghastly to contemplate.
Detective ByHookOrBy, from Scotland Metre, shakes her head.
She is the Sherlock
Poirot-Marple of 100-word mysteries.
Her accent is English, refined.
Zees ees most unusual, she muses, I ‘ave never before seen Madame Wisoff-Deschamps used as ze murder weapon.
She shrugs her elegant keyboard.
Zey should know eet’s dangerous to mock ze crazy Caledonian.

All characters in this story are Friday Fictitious, and any resemblance to persons living or (very recently) dead is purely intentional.

About ceayr

A Scot who has discovered Paradise in a small town he calls Medville on the Côte d'Azur, C.E. Ayr has spent a large part of his life in the West of Scotland and a large part elsewhere. His first job was selling programmes at his local football club and he has since tried 73 other career paths, the longest being in IT, with varying degrees of success. He is somewhat nomadic, fairly irresponsible and, according to his darling daughter, a bit random.
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61 Responses to In the Kitchen with a Mime

  1. Lynn Love says:

    As cheeky and murderous as I would expect from you, dear Caledonian! Such a stabby bunch, the FFers :). You made me smile once more, C


  2. Egads! What a ghastly way to go. Let’s hope this is not prophetic. I was planning to stop by the mime’s abode later this week. Perhaps I’ll wear a suit of armor during my visit.
    Now, who shall write my glowing epitaph? The Canuck?


  3. So glad I’ve never mocked a Caledonian! Very funny stuff, sir!


  4. gillyflower says:

    I don’t think I’ve been around these parts long enough to break the code — very intriguing! And thanks for your kind words about my photo. Cheers.


    • ceayr says:

      Hi there Gillyflower, sorry I don’t know your name.
      Last week our esteemed hostess, aka the purple mime, with the assistance of Russell, the Red Nose, not only killed me but mocked me in her story.
      So this is my hopefully funny riposte.
      Detective ByHookOrBy is Sandra Crook, in my opinion the most talented writer on FF, and also a lovely person.
      I am a Scot who lives in France, hence the silly accents.
      Hope that helps!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. granonine says:

    You have a wonderful sense of humor 🙂


  6. James McEwan says:

    Making crime investigation funny, I liked the light appraoch.


  7. Haha…you got the gals good!


  8. A certain purple mime should have been expecting this after last week’s massacre. Great story, made me smile. 🙂


  9. Gouy corine says:

    Excellent ! La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid .
    Très drôle la note 😂


  10. Anita says:

    Smart detective can unravel any mystery! 🙂
    Interesting plot.

    Three Musketeers – Anita


  11. Tessa says:

    Simply hilarious. Good one!


  12. This story was written in code except for followers of this blog, C.E. Well done and the characters in the story seem to have enjoyed it even if it was supposed to be revenge. Well written. 🙂 — Suzanne


  13. Rowena says:

    They should know better than to attack a Scot! Great response CE.
    I’m surprised I didn’t pick up on your Scottish origins before. I decided to work on a series of family stories to produce my first book. I’ve been fairly lucky in that many of these characters are larger than life. The stories I’ve done most of the work on are more recent. However, I decided to go chronologically and am starting off with our two convicts. Mine is Scottish and came from Sawerston Farm near Sorn and they had been heritors and while the details of his crime are a bit convoluted, it seems to be more of a white collar crime. Anyway, my research travels have unearthed that Rabbie Burns lived in nearby Mauchline during his grandparents’ day and it looks like we have links to the Covernanters. I’ve had a lot to learn. I also have connections to distillers on Islay. I don’t think any of them were toeing the line.
    Anyway, it’s been quite surreal following my family through historic events and leaders like Oliver Cromwell which were buried in history on the other side of the world when I live over here in Australia and my most recent arrival (another Scot was 1859.
    Hope you’re having a great week.
    Best wishes,


    • ceayr says:

      Can you see the bit below the story, where it says ‘About CEAyr’?
      The first two words there are a clue!
      Sorn is only a handful of miles from Mossgiel Farm, where Rabbie wrote To a Mouse, among other gems.
      It is also on the River Ayr, and maybe 20 miles from the town which gives me my name!
      Good luck with the book, Rowena


  14. neilmacdon says:

    That really made me laugh. Gad, there is no revenge more chilling than a plot heated up by a wronged author


  15. draliman says:

    Ha, revenge is yours 🙂


  16. Abhijit Ray says:

    I hope detective ByHookOrBy is crooked enough to solve this mysterious case. Goodluck to her.


  17. What a great mystery to solve. I think a big red conk makes you vulnerable actually


  18. So much murder with this group. Messy business.



  19. LOL! Will Rochelle ‘sue you’ for spreading rumors about her? 😉


  20. pennygadd51 says:

    Great work CE! You had me grinning with that story!


  21. Sandra says:

    Oh dear! Now you’ve got me peering round corners, locking my doors, and shivering in my shoes. And then I tell myself they’d never let the Crazy Caledonian back into the country. Not with his track record in murderous finales.


  22. Thank goodness the characters are fictitious! It really is, isn’t it?


  23. trentpmcd says:

    lol, I guess they now have to say “Revenge is a dish best served funny”.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Mon Cher C.E.

    A mime is a terrible thing to use as a murder weapon. Very messy. You made me laugh. Thank you.


    Zee Mime


  25. Iain Kelly says:

    Oh dear, things are escalating. I fear there will soon be no Fri Fictioneers left to be killed off!


  26. Tannille says:

    We do seem to kill a lot from week to week.
    Great stuff


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