The Cloister – Sunday Photo Fiction

Sunday Photo Fiction is a weekly challenge presented by my old friend Al Forbes.
The idea is to write a short story (200 word max) inspired by what you see in his picture (below).
I have exceeded this limit today, perhaps as compensation for my no-show last week.
Apologies, mon ami.
Click on this link to enter your tale, and see what others have written.

Copyright Al Forbes

Copyright Al Forbes

The Cloister

The hill to the old Abbey is much steeper now than I remember.
As I climb it, I reflect on those halcyon days of youth, when we three pretend musketeers claimed the ruins as our own.
The cloister was home to our fantasies.
It was a pirate ship, a castle, a Comanche camp, a racetrack, a football field and a tennis court.
And in the middle was the old well, where we played a favourite game.
We dropped stones through the grating, and counted till we heard them hit.
Whoever reached the highest number was the winner.
Bill was the biggest, and the best fighter, so he decided the rules.
He always won.
He also won Louise, to my jealous pain.
We all lived in the same street, she was the girl next door.
And what a girl.
She could run and climb and spit as well as me.
But she was smart, did not try to beat Bill.
They were a couple until he left for university.
He came back once or twice the first year, then we didn’t see him again.
Eventually Louise and I dated, got married, raised a family.
But I never believed she forgot him altogether.
When he returned last year, it was quite a surprise.
He was in poor health, and down, if not quite out.
All my old jealousy reared its ugly head when I saw how she looked after him.
And he seemed to take it for granted that she, my wife, was there to care for him.
I guess that is why the hill seems so steep now.
Louise is not very heavy, but I am struggling to get her to the well.


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11 Responses to The Cloister – Sunday Photo Fiction

  1. Poor Louise. You’ve killed another character, C.E. I’ve got to say I feel sorry for this one. I hope your pain has lessened somewhat, Good story and well written. —- Suzanne


  2. i b arora says:

    the ending was a bit intriguing and unexpected


  3. mandibelle16 says:

    Haha. Your stories are entertaining Caeyr. I love how someone always ends up dead. Usually from jealousy. I kind of feel bad for Louise though, she married the speaker and I think she really loved him. I think she was being nice to Bill who was dying, I don’t this meant she loved him. But I did expect someone to die 🙂 Hope you are doing okay Caeyr. Sorry you are in a lot of pain, that is never easy to deal with. Wishing you a speedy recovery. 🙏🏻


  4. wildchild47 says:

    A gripping read – and honestly, I *should have seen it coming* – the ending, but it took me by surprise nonetheless. I attribute this to the quality of the writing – you’ve captured and set a tone so reflective, hypnotic, almost peaceful and accepting, that whatever lingering childhood jealousy or animosity really is nothing more than a thin line. So the ending? Well, blew me away. Great job. 🙂

    I hope you are feeling better and in far less pain. Be well and don’t be worrying about comments in reply – I totally understand how frustrating and difficult this type of situation can be. So rest and take care of you.


  5. Great story, whether the trip to the well is metaphorical or not. Even if you’ve gone over the 200 words, you haven’t wasn’t any.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Graham Lawrence says:

    Another enjoyable read. I was wondering who was going to get it! Hope you’re feeling better!


  7. Jesse Raven says:

    Great story – well-told – effortless enjoyable read


  8. Lori Carlson says:

    OMGoodness, that gave me the chills! Wonderful storytelling!


  9. Evocative. I like it.


  10. Dear CE,

    I suspect Bill is next. Dark, sad and well written. Sending healing hugs. Take care of yourself.



    Liked by 1 person

  11. No need to apologise. I know you have been in a lot of pain, so don’t worry about taking the time off. I did think about you this week. I meant to stop by but unfortunately time ran out on me.

    Great story. I did wonder who was going to end up in the well. I thought it was going to be Bill, but I suppose she did make her choice by near enough going back to him.

    Make sure you take care of that hand my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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