In Line – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Today’s somewhat bleak photo, courtesy of Roger Bultot, takes me to a sunny place, long ago.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.

Copyright Roger Bultot

Copyright Roger Bultot

In Line

Old Ronald, the music teacher, bellows instructions.
We shuffle reluctantly, alphabetically, into line.
I am second, Anderson is at the front.
I am the new boy, my second day at this school.
I gaze around desultorily.
My eyes drift to the girls’ line.
I gape.
She was not there yesterday!
Small, slim, dark, my fantasy in heels.
As I stare, she smiles across.
I raise my hand to chest height, she waves prettily.
I am in love.
Roll call over, the lines disintegrate.
Still smiling, she moves towards me.
I am thrust roughly aside.
Barclay’s brawny arms wrap around her.

For Ron, my brother, who has the patience of a saint.

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16 Responses to In Line – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Good piece, C.E. Young love can be cruel. It seems there’s often a bully involved. Well done. I hope your physical pain is less. 🙂 — Suzanne


  2. There was probably some invisible girl checking out the new guy watching the whole thing play out.


  3. Oh that was a rough blow. To always be left is a tough thing…


  4. mickwynn2013 says:

    Poor guy but time will tell, perhaps there’s still hope.


  5. Mkie says:

    He will win her over with a drum roll in the next music lesson, he has to because your in my line with your writing.


  6. ansumani says:

    Happens all the time. Good writing!


  7. subroto says:

    Yeah but only because Barclay has his own bank. Doesn’t have your charm and the wit 😉


  8. wmqcolby says:

    Ouch! Been there, done that. I played French Horn in school band and this reminded me of the new girl in the French Horn section in junior high school. I had a crush on her for three years.
    Nice work, CE.


  9. gahlearner says:

    That’s why I always turn around and check when someone waves in my direction. A great tale of infatuation at first sight crushed in a heartbeat.


  10. Oh I felt his disappointment! Hope you’re feeling better.


  11. Sandra says:

    And it looked to be going so well. Damn that Barclay. And after him it will probably be Chaz, and Dave… Nice one, I felt for him. I hope you’re feeling better – courage, mon ami. 😉


  12. Dale says:

    Oh so well done, mon ami! I though you were going to give us a happy ending… but noooo 😉
    Damn that Barclay!


  13. Ugh! How disappointing that Barclay was the one she was waving to! Poor guy!
    I like how you built up the whole scenario. Nicely done, CEAyr!


  14. Dear CE,

    I wanted to hug the boy. It’s hard enough being the new kid. His disappointment and sadness are tangible. Healing hugs to you, my friend.




  15. wildchild47 says:

    You’ve built the tension so well, so exactingly pointed the sense of excitement, hope, disbelief, anticipation, only to have it crushed in a second! Brilliant writing 🙂

    And I hope you are managing better and with much less pain.


  16. mandibelle16 says:

    Lovely tribute. Who would have thought the little girl was waving at Barclay. To bad for the new guy.


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