AnElephantCant help notice that it is wet there
But he is a pachyderm he does not need a brolly
He says Good Golly Miss Molly
Because he is feeling quite jolly
Please don’t think he is quite off his trolley
Once again it is Friday Fictioneer time.
Managed by the marketwise Rochelle, this is a superstore of writers from around the globe, a great mall of original thought and writing.
And AnElephant.
The idea is to write a very short story, circa 100 words, based on this picture prompt (below).
That’s it.
copyright -Janet Webb
The Job
The sum that they offer is incredible.
For them money is no object.
They give him very detailed specifications.
He knows exactly what he needs and where to find it.
He gets half of his money now and the balance on delivery.
He knows they will pay.
He knows they have a requirement for a continuous supply of product.
This is just the first job.
He waits in the supermarket car-park.
He watches her put her blonde three-year old in the SUV.
Puts the cloth over her mouth and rolls her under the car.
Walks away with a golden-haired fortune.
Very powerful in a very simple style.
I want to hide my head in the sand and pretend these things never happen. That won’t make it go away, though, will it? Very emotional piece.
Thank you, Patti, for taking the time to visit and comment.
Sadly these things do happen in the real word also.
Number two on the list! Wow, you were inspired this week. Different and dark take on the photo. This could be the start of a much longer story. Ron
Thank you, Ron, always good to make an impact.
Sadly 100 words is it, or Rochelle makes AnElephant stand in a puddle!
Wow, that’s some scary stuff. I love the cold-blooded, calculating way you laid out the setup though. Great story.
Thanks, David, very happy to be appreciated.
Whoa, whoa and WHOA! Got me off guard with THAT one, Elephant! Engaging and hit me upside the head. Fantastic!
Thank you very much, sir.
AnElephant is delighted when such a short tale can provoke such a reaction.
Thank you for your comment.
Excellent work
Thank you, dear lady, always good to have you visit.
Good one. Of course, in THAT parking lot, rolling her under the SUV would drown her!!!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/ff-friday-fictioneers-100-words-photo-prompt-10182013-rated-pg13/
Thank you, Scott, but AnElephant sees the picture as a mere prompt, not to be taken literally!
Oh, I figured that, but had to comment cuz it was funny!
Disturbing story, but well-written
Thank you, dear Nightlake.
AnElephant sincerely hopes that you are only leaving the Haibun Challenge, and will still come visit here sometimes.
sure, will try to visit at least once a week:) Thank you:)
For an elephant, you have an amazing way with human words. I must confess I had to read this twice. I had to work my gray matter a little harder than usual. You’re quite a pachyderm…
You are too kind, hugmamma.
AnElephant is grateful for your visit and your accolade.
And he sends hugs.
Ahh, the shopping cart sent us both to the same place this week–kidnapping. Mine feels slightly more predictable, being from the mom’s perspective, especially given the way you kept us in the dark about the product right to the end. This is so disturbing–as much for it’s potential to be fact rather than fiction as for the stellar writing.
Thank you, dreaminofobx, very kind of you.
AnElephant tends to be less emotional than an expectant mother!
Good Golly! You warmed me up with the poem and then you rained ice water on me with your chilling tale. Both were excellently written and entertaining. I like the style of your chiller. Ann
How very kind of you, Ann.
AnElephant likes to do a nice wee rhyme to get both his readers in the mood and then – BAM!!!
Thank you for visiting.
🙂
Well, that certainly got my attention. Sounds like the villain has his career plans laid out for the next few years. A chilling story, extremely well written.
Thank you, Mr 55, for your comments.
Nice to know AnElephant can make an impact.
Oh, my gosh! A mini-thriller.
I actually have an uplifting stand alone this week. Just couldn’t fit this photo in with the vampire series. Enjoy:
http://julesinflashyfiction.wordpress.com/2013/10/17/racing-stand-alone-friday-fictioneers/
Hi Jules, thank you and lovely to see you.
Will visit shortly.
I thought drugs when I started reading, the childnapping was a complete surprise. Well done.
Thank you, VB, happy to surprise, as ever!
Well that was effective! Now I will be ever vigilant for other’s children. Especially gold ones. Really well written.
Thank you, Jackie, your positive comment is greatly appreciated.
Hugs
Having a blonde nearly three year old, I both love and hate this story at the same time. You should consider that a great compliment.
AnElephant considers all comments a compliment, that anyone takes the time to visit and write.
And understands your response, he has children of his own.
But he has 100 words to generate some reaction …..
A chilling story. For the action this character takes, yes, but also the character’s take on the job — he’s so busy noting the payment that the woman seems an afterthought. Indeed, referenced as “product.” A well written and creepy story, Sir Elephant.
Thank you, zw, for picking up on all the nuances.
And for your kind words.
omg too scary. this is one of my greatest fears, whenever i’m out with my little cousins. i’m so worried that if i turn my back for a moment, someone would just snatch them away. very dark and well written.
Thanks, kz, maybe you should keep them away from flooded car parks?
Brilliant write from an interesting perspective. A chilling tale for sure but what is more chilling is what makes someone do this professionally and maybe we do need to look at the root causes rather than individual actions. I digress, excellent thought provoking piece. 🙂
Thank you, Jem, AnElephant is happy that he provokes such thoughts in 100 words.
I feel the mother’s pain.
Thank you, Dawn, AnElephant is pleased to get a reaction.
Oh my!
Sad story. But – it happens. Sadly – it happens.
Hi RoSy, AnElephant is not promoting such behaviour, just writing a wee story!
Such a twisted twist. I too, was lured in. Nice job writing this!
Thank you, TFTM, sorry about the twisty stuff, it is just what AnElephant does.
I’m always ready for a twisty ride… particularly if AnElephant is involved. Well played.
Ack!! It had such a happy tone, cheerful that he had a job, but the twist at the end got me! Good job! 😉
Thank you, that is the point of the twist at the end!
Your comments are much appreciated.
Yikes! And here I was expecting a happy poem at first. Well, that just goes to show me that you can never predict what anelephantcant will do next! 😀
AnElephant enjoys a wee surprise occasionally!
Thank you, Linda.
And you were so jolly, with your happy rhyming trolley and then this! What a shocking tale. Very surprising, oh elephant can.
Ah, yes, AnElephant CAN misdirect!
Thank you for popping by.
So very well written and wrenching.
Impossible d’aimer l’histoire, mais impossible de ne pas apprecier le talent de l’ecrivain qui la raconte.
chapeau.
Ah oui, cherie, je suis d’accord.
Merci pour tes mots de soutiens.
Whoa! Creepy and well written. I should have seen it coming. But like your victim did not.,
Not always easy to spot the dark side, DCT, thank you for kind words.
a dark chill in broad daylight
Nicely expressed, MDW, and thank you.
It’s all economics, supply and demand, no matter how twisted the taste.
Thanks for sharing.
Too true, JK, thanks for visiting.
Now you are bad.. really bad… an icy hand gripped my heart.
Time for the thermals, Bjorn?
Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment, sorry about the chill!
Incredibly brilliant, and unfortunately too often true.
Another excellent write from El Pachiderm
Thank you, Al, it is sometimes a ghastly world.
It is indeed. “It’s not the vampires you have to worry about, but the quiet person who lives down the road” is often all too true
Very clever tone of flippancy, and in the end it is his profession. Neatly done.
Thank you, Pirate, glad you appreciated it.
It’s sad that we live in a world where we can believe this would happen and where it does happen. I really like the contrast between the upbeat way the story was told and the crushing blow at the end. Excellent.
janet
Thank you, Janet, for a measured critique.
Sincerely appreciated.
Oh, how awful! Your chipper tone makes it all the more horrendous. I can’t say “good story,” not when I feel so gut-punched over this one, but I CAN say, “Very effectively written!”
AnElephant is content than in 100 words he provokes such a reaction.
Thank you.
Oh, that’s really horrible. Brilliant, but horrible.
AnElephant is happy to have made an impact, thank you.
A chilling write.
Thank you, AnElephant thinks!
Dear AEC,
A remarkably well crafted story. The slow build of tension. The reveal and release and we are captive, too. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks, Doug, it was not an easy one to write, but you know when you have to.
Ah! Thats smart…
Nice
Thank you, glad you liked.
this is really “böse” – wow. Just recovered from a stomach disease it felt like it´s coming back when I read your story. But sadly some of our species are so horrible. Very strong story, respect!
Liebe Grüße
Carmen
Your comments are very much appreciated.
Hugs
Oh… that is intense. Well-written.
-HA
Thank you for your visit and your comment, much appreciated.
Dear Elephant,
Powerful piece. Made my heart ache.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Ah, thank you and sorry, Rochelle.
Sadly life is full of such matters.
Grief! That’s powerful. And topical this week with the revived interest in the McCann case.
Thanks, Sandra.
But AnElephant is totally unaware of the McCann situation, not news down here.
Never his intention to provoke there.
What an ending. Powerful.
Thank you, Jayde, lovely to see you here.
It’s lovely to get a chance to peruse my favourite blogs!
Grim Sir Elephant, grim.
Life, Sir Oz, life, sadly.
Sad isn’t it.