Paradise – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
This week’s prompt comes courtesy of Roger Butolt, and the idyllic view for once brings out my gentler side.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on this picture, below.

© Roger Butolt

Click here to hear the story read by the author:

Paradise

So many deaths.
It is a beautiful spot, a corner of paradise, but treacherous for the unwary.
The first I remember was wee Andy, back when we were kids.
We had been warned about the quicksand, of course, but boys are boys, always.
Then Alan bet he could get across, stood to make a packet, disappeared without a trace.
That’s the thing, you see, the bodies never resurface.
There have been others over the years, it is hard to protect people against something so lovely, so innocent looking.
Someone from outside the area has no chance.
Like my two wives.

About ceayr

A Scot who has discovered Paradise in a small town he calls Medville on the Côte d'Azur, C.E. Ayr has spent a large part of his life in the West of Scotland and a large part elsewhere. His first job was selling programmes at his local football club and he has since tried 73 other career paths, the longest being in IT, with varying degrees of success. He is somewhat nomadic, fairly irresponsible and, according to his darling daughter, a bit random.
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77 Responses to Paradise – Friday Fictioneers

  1. I saw that ending coming, but only when it was too late! Much like the two wives of the story, I suspect. Great writing as always, C.E.

    Like

  2. magarisa says:

    Brilliant ending! I appreciate dark humour.

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  3. PETWONE says:

    You did an excellent job on this.

    Like

  4. myplaidheart says:

    I love how your short stories twist and surprise you at the end. They are intelligent and fun to read.

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    • ceayr says:

      I know you are only saying that because you are smitten with all things Scottish, but I don’t care.
      Intelligent and fun, that sounds like a worthwhile epitaph!

      Liked by 1 person

      • myplaidheart says:

        Haha. Well it is true that I am smitten with Scotland. But I also appreciate good and interesting writing. As a strong left brain thinker, I admire those who have the right brain creativity I long to possess.

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  5. Nice misdirection CE, with the first 96 words and also with your intro… gentler side indeed!

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  6. Starts out with innocent child’s play and then becomes sinister very quickly. Well told story, reminds me of those crime thrillers set in some wilderness or remote area.

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  7. granonine says:

    Well! That last line was a punch in the gut 🙂

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  8. pennygadd51 says:

    You’ve written that beautifully; such fluent description, and such economical story-telling. ‘Boys are boys, always’ That ‘always’ is wonderful, making the pace feel so leisurely. (Leisurely in flash fiction! The first time I read the story I thought “Show off!”)
    And, of course, the four word twist at the very end; great!

    Like

    • ceayr says:

      Thank you, Penny, that is the sort of comment that makes writing worthwhile.
      With only 100 words, each one has to count.
      I am happy mine worked for you this week.
      Hugs

      Like

  9. Joy Pixley says:

    As soon as the deaths came up, I guessed where this was going. I don’t think I’ve ever read another writer who was so keen to kill off wives as you, CE Not trying to tell us something, I hope! 😉

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    • ceayr says:

      I am predictable, it seems, and jolly unlucky with the ladies. What are you doing this weekend, Joy?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joy Pixley says:

        Seems more like the ladies are unlucky with you, sir! This weekend I am going to a wine tasting on Friday, a Halloween costume party on Saturday, and finally getting to see the new Blade Runner on Sunday. I will endeavor at all these events to avoid (ahem) “lady killers.” 😉 Oh, and also I’m preparing for the start of NaNo on Wednesday, whee!

        Like

  10. Gentle like the tide… becoming a tidal wave. Nice crescendo, C.E.

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  11. Your gentler side didn’t last long, but it’s a start! Nice one CE

    Click to read my FriFic!

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  12. And that is your gentler side? Good story, great twist.

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  13. Killer last line. (Pun intended!) 😀

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  14. Ah, yes. Your gentler side (I was right to be cynical when I read that) was invoking children first? 🙂

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  15. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:

    Oh this was so beautifully twisted. Great take on the prompt, even mother nature isn’t innocent.

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  16. rgayer55 says:

    He saves a lot of money on alimony. In fact, I bet he only marries rich women. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

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  17. Jelli says:

    Oh, what a wickedly twisting tale. Love the creepy ending. 🙂

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  18. Goodness, this took a “gentle turn” around sentence #4! I knew where this was going but couldn’t pull back.

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  19. Mandie Hines says:

    Boy, I knew the second I read “gentler side” that we were in for anything but your gentler side. We better never take a count of how many dead bodies there have been in your stories. I think we’d be horrified by the number. Great twisted story.

    Like

  20. michael1148humphris says:

    O the naughty man. But I liked how you constructed the story

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  21. I love that this story wends its way gently along until the last line!

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  22. James says:

    Great place to get rid of a murder victim or two. Very ominous and in keeping with this time of year.

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  23. Iain Kelly says:

    It does look a bit like the swamp out the back of the Bates Motel. A classic CE Ayr tale.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. The bog is full of corpses!

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  25. Madison Ward says:

    That was gentle?
    It’s started off, gently creating a false sense of security. Then slaps you in the face at the end!
    I loved it!

    Like

  26. Sandra says:

    Your gentler side…? It’s that ‘come for a walk’ business again, isn’t it? What is it about divorce that turns your character off… too slow I guess.

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  27. Varad says:

    And it’s a last-ball six. (or home run of the last hit – if you, the reader, don’t understand cricket ;)) What a fabulous finish! Brilliant, CE.

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  28. Dear C.E.

    He certainly has the perfectly natural disposal unit for ridding himself of his irritations. Perhaps one day he’ll trip and fall in. T’would be poetic justice, don’t you think?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  29. MrBinks says:

    😀 Evvviilll…

    Like

  30. Ooh, a sinister FF ending. We like those.

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  31. Lynn Love says:

    Well, if there’s a natural resource that can help you be rid of a wife – or two – then why not make the most of it! And bodies that vanish without trace is a killer’s dream come true. Well written, structured and lovingly creepy 🙂

    Like

  32. neilmacdon says:

    What a mischievous ending!

    Like

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