Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
This week’s prompt comes courtesy of Roger Butolt, and the idyllic view for once brings out my gentler side.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on this picture, below.
© Roger Butolt
Click here to hear the story read by the author:
Paradise
So many deaths.
It is a beautiful spot, a corner of paradise, but treacherous for the unwary.
The first I remember was wee Andy, back when we were kids.
We had been warned about the quicksand, of course, but boys are boys, always.
Then Alan bet he could get across, stood to make a packet, disappeared without a trace.
That’s the thing, you see, the bodies never resurface.
There have been others over the years, it is hard to protect people against something so lovely, so innocent looking.
Someone from outside the area has no chance.
Like my two wives.
I saw that ending coming, but only when it was too late! Much like the two wives of the story, I suspect. Great writing as always, C.E.
Thank you, Thom, I guess I am becoming predictable.
And what’s a couple of wives between friends, hmm?
Brilliant ending! I appreciate dark humour.
Brilliant comment! I am less demanding, I like most humour.
Happy you enjoyed.
You did an excellent job on this.
Thank you, very kind
I love how your short stories twist and surprise you at the end. They are intelligent and fun to read.
I know you are only saying that because you are smitten with all things Scottish, but I don’t care.
Intelligent and fun, that sounds like a worthwhile epitaph!
Haha. Well it is true that I am smitten with Scotland. But I also appreciate good and interesting writing. As a strong left brain thinker, I admire those who have the right brain creativity I long to possess.
Nice misdirection CE, with the first 96 words and also with your intro… gentler side indeed!
My heart is full, sir! Thank you for your kind words.
Starts out with innocent child’s play and then becomes sinister very quickly. Well told story, reminds me of those crime thrillers set in some wilderness or remote area.
Very happy you enjoyed, Fatima
Oh you!
Did it again!
Laughing. Thanks, Dawn.
Well! That last line was a punch in the gut 🙂
Your comment is much appreciated, if less genteel than one normally expects from a douce grandmother!
Well, I wouldn’t say that particular sentence under normal circumstances, but for this? It’s accurate 🙂
By the way, I looked up “douce” because I thought I knew the meaning, but wasn’t positive. Synonyms: sober, gentle, sedate. Hmmm. That’s a lot to live up to!
Yeah, just be yourself!
You’ve written that beautifully; such fluent description, and such economical story-telling. ‘Boys are boys, always’ That ‘always’ is wonderful, making the pace feel so leisurely. (Leisurely in flash fiction! The first time I read the story I thought “Show off!”)
And, of course, the four word twist at the very end; great!
Thank you, Penny, that is the sort of comment that makes writing worthwhile.
With only 100 words, each one has to count.
I am happy mine worked for you this week.
Hugs
As soon as the deaths came up, I guessed where this was going. I don’t think I’ve ever read another writer who was so keen to kill off wives as you, CE Not trying to tell us something, I hope! 😉
I am predictable, it seems, and jolly unlucky with the ladies. What are you doing this weekend, Joy?
Seems more like the ladies are unlucky with you, sir! This weekend I am going to a wine tasting on Friday, a Halloween costume party on Saturday, and finally getting to see the new Blade Runner on Sunday. I will endeavor at all these events to avoid (ahem) “lady killers.” 😉 Oh, and also I’m preparing for the start of NaNo on Wednesday, whee!
Gentle like the tide… becoming a tidal wave. Nice crescendo, C.E.
Thanks, Kelvin
Your gentler side didn’t last long, but it’s a start! Nice one CE
Click to read my FriFic!
One tries, Keith, one tries
And that is your gentler side? Good story, great twist.
Oh gosh, Irene, let’s not harp on about that, okay, maybe I misspoke a teeny bit.
Glad you enjoyed.
Killer last line. (Pun intended!) 😀
I am just joyful at that comment!
Ah, yes. Your gentler side (I was right to be cynical when I read that) was invoking children first? 🙂
Okay, gentler, more murderous, let’s not nit-pick, Sascha!
Ha! 🙂 (I used to be a very good nitpicker, thank you very much.)
Oh this was so beautifully twisted. Great take on the prompt, even mother nature isn’t innocent.
‘beautifully twisted’, I love that, thank you
He saves a lot of money on alimony. In fact, I bet he only marries rich women. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Folks here seem to get quite uppity over an occasional spot of uxoricide. Is it frowned upon where you come from?
Oh, what a wickedly twisting tale. Love the creepy ending. 🙂
‘wickedly twisting’ and ‘creepy’. Great comment, I am happy now!
Goodness, this took a “gentle turn” around sentence #4! I knew where this was going but couldn’t pull back.
You should know by now not to trust me, Alicia, I have been known to fib a tad.
Boy, I knew the second I read “gentler side” that we were in for anything but your gentler side. We better never take a count of how many dead bodies there have been in your stories. I think we’d be horrified by the number. Great twisted story.
Sorry for being so predictable, Mandie, I just seem to be a bit unlucky, wifewise!
Haha No need to apologize. I’m just becoming more familiar with your writing. I think I may have been disappointed if there wasn’t something sinister going on in the flash fiction piece.
O the naughty man. But I liked how you constructed the story
Oh, Michael, surely ‘naughty’ is a bit harsh!
Glad you liked it
I love that this story wends its way gently along until the last line!
Thank you, Clare, happy you enjoyed it
Great place to get rid of a murder victim or two. Very ominous and in keeping with this time of year.
Natural resources, James, got to make the most of them
It does look a bit like the swamp out the back of the Bates Motel. A classic CE Ayr tale.
‘classic CE Ayr ‘, I love that, Iain! Thank you.
You’re very welcome.
The bog is full of corpses!
Well, not quite full, but filling up nicely…
That was gentle?
It’s started off, gently creating a false sense of security. Then slaps you in the face at the end!
I loved it!
That was pretty much my aim, Madison, glad it worked for you.
Your gentler side…? It’s that ‘come for a walk’ business again, isn’t it? What is it about divorce that turns your character off… too slow I guess.
Yes, about that gentler bit, I tell lies.
Or write fiction, as we say here.
Divorce? A chap has taken vows, dear lady!
And it’s a last-ball six. (or home run of the last hit – if you, the reader, don’t understand cricket ;)) What a fabulous finish! Brilliant, CE.
Understand cricket? By Jiminy, of course I do!
Glad you enjoyed, Varad
Not you, CE! You are a Scotsman.
I went to the same school as Mike Denness.
Dear C.E.
He certainly has the perfectly natural disposal unit for ridding himself of his irritations. Perhaps one day he’ll trip and fall in. T’would be poetic justice, don’t you think?
Shalom,
Rochelle
They say, m’lady, that only the good die young.
😀 Evvviilll…
Cooooolllll…
Ooh, a sinister FF ending. We like those.
Then I am happy, Claire.
Well, if there’s a natural resource that can help you be rid of a wife – or two – then why not make the most of it! And bodies that vanish without trace is a killer’s dream come true. Well written, structured and lovingly creepy 🙂
Praise indeed, Lynn, thank you.
And ‘lovingly creepy’ works for me!
Ha! My pleasure C 🙂
What a mischievous ending!
Thanks, Neil, I like that!