Clouds – Friday Fictioneers

AnElephantCant believe it is Wednesday
He is filled once again with trepidation
He writes this little verse
Plus 100 words
And sits back in his chair and anticipation

Once again it is Friday Fictioneer time.
Hosted by the magnificent Rochelle, this is a gathering of writers from around the globe, a melange of cultures, ages, genders and ideas.
The idea is to write a very short story, circa 100 words, based on this picture prompt (below).
That’s it.

Copyright - Douglas M. MacIlroy

Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy


As the sun finally disappears behind the mountains, he slips almost silently into the pool.

He is immediately aware of the dog, whose job it is to guard the people of the household, pawing nervously at the edge.

He reassures him softly in French, and the Alsatian obediently, if reluctantly, goes back inside.

He lies on his back, glorying in the sensation of cool water on hot skin, and notices the clouds pouring over the mountains.

In what seems like only an instant the rain comes thundering down, warm and perpendicular.

It is so different from the icy blast of his native land that he turns his face up to it, revelling in it, and fully aware that he is in paradise.

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73 Responses to Clouds – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Penny L Howe says:

    Everyone’s already said it in many different ways – paradise indeed! 🙂 xo


  2. A French-speaking elephant yet! I love the fantasy of it all.


  3. hmv says:

    Nice story, AnElephant! It’s always a great experience to get away from where you grew up – if even for a short time 🙂 Ah, memories…


  4. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear AEC,

    I was fascinated by your story and found myself immersed in its rhythms and feel. I want to hear more from this one. Where is he from and where was he swimming? This is good work.




  5. If it’s just a holiday, I hope it’s a long one. If it’s permanent, lucky man.
    It reads beautifully. Greta rhythm in it.


  6. JackieP says:

    Nice story. Wonder if he would like company? Or is the dog and rain enough?


  7. Linda Vernon says:

    You’ve captured the beauty of a memorable moment.


  8. Honie Briggs says:

    Like everyone else, I too wish I was in that scene. Cool water on hot skin, I could almost feel myself slipping silently into the pool. Very well done.


  9. neenslewy says:

    Oooooo fantastic write – still love your verses before your flash. This describes something I have experienced. Hot country – in pool – rain. Great! I like the fact you seem to have sneaked into somebody else’s pool!
    Loved the opening line;
    As the sun finally disappears behind the mountains, he slips almost silently into the pool

    PS Since you left for France we have had a heat-wave!


    • How very kind of you, neenslewy (what kind of name is that?)
      Very happy it gave you pleasure.
      As for the heatwave, enjoy it while it lasts.
      AnElephant is running low on charity!


      • neenslewy says:

        Ha Ha @ low on charity – I can barely take more than a few weeks of heat so I will enjoy it every minute and then hope August will be just as good.-Neens is my nickname. Friends and family elongated my name years ago and it just stuck in email addresses and name option tabs 😉


  10. wmqcolby says:

    That’s one thing I haven’t done this year … go swimming. I’m jealous, Elephant. A good story!


  11. Mystikel says:

    I love this one, Elephant. You’ve captured that moment in time — and the reader!


  12. Jan Brown says:

    What a lovely narrative!


  13. pattisj says:

    I wanted to be there.


  14. Joe Owens says:

    Settling in for a long rest it seems.


  15. zookyworld says:

    A beautiful setting and a mysterious character being there… an intriguing mixture here to make the reader wonder about what happened before the story.


  16. kz says:

    very lovely 🙂 cool water on hot skin, sounds perfect to me


  17. emmylgant says:

    …” and there are times when the people and the hills and the earth, all, everything except the stars, are one, and the love of them all is strong like a sadness.” (Steinbeck)
    Oui, c’est le paradis… dans ton coeur, le seul endroit qui compte.
    Ton histoire est merveilleusement poetique. Merci encore une fois.


  18. Christopher Shawbell says:

    Nice work. You closed the story expertly. I look forward to reading more of your entries.


  19. Wow. I almost leaned my head back when he did but I had to keep reading!


  20. julespaige says:

    I remember nipping the brass rings for free rides…I wonder if they still do that?
    Love the up and down critters in the outside rings. 🙂


    • C’mon, Jules, you’re in the wrong post here!
      Too many sleepless nights with the new granddaughter?
      But always a pleasure, regardless.


      • julespaige says:

        That happens sometimes… I hit the comment option for the wrong post.
        Cheese Whiz!

        OK for this post then! Changing elements…you can tell who the tourists are, (when visiting warmer climes. They are the ones out in the middle of the day. The natives know better… in regards to Arizona and Florida that is – two places I’ve been.

        Just wait until one/you get used to the weather… then like friends I have in south central California you’ll be waring scarfs and sweaters when it’s only 70F. 🙂


  21. rckjones says:

    A taste of Heaven! Gorgeous imagery, and an effective character sketch in very few words. I am wondering whether this person is on vacation, or is an expatriate? A good story leaves you wanting more – well done. 🙂


  22. Sandra says:

    Sounds idyllic. Nice one.


  23. Shreyank says:

    the verse painted a great picture 🙂


  24. You’ve painted a beautiful scene. I once saw a cloud-fall like in this story, where they were pouring over a mountain pass into the next valley. Very cool.


  25. Gabriella says:

    If this is what paradise looks like, I don’t mind going there! Lovely!


  26. that describes paradise perfectly


  27. Rishal says:

    Dog? What if there was AnElephant pawing nervously at the edge?
    Nice story 🙂


  28. Dear Elephant,

    You’ve captured my mermaid heart with this one. Very nicely done.




  29. summerstommy2 says:

    Oh beautifully done Sir Elephant. Lovely imagery. You have a way with words good sir. I love Wednesday evenings when the Friday fictions begin to roll in.


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