AnElephantCant believe it is time again
For the Friday Fictioneers
Each week he frets more
He quakes to the core
He is almost reduced to tears
But he knows that he can’t stop now
This has very quickly became a compulsion
He flaps like a bird
He counts every word
If he goes over does he face expulsion?
The idea is to write a very short story (circa 100 words) based on a picture prompt (below).
That’s it.
The Window by Lilies Lora Mitchell
Heartbroken, she stared out at the traffic.
Ok, he had made his choice, now he would have to deal with the consequences.
She knew he had someone else.
Perhaps she had no evidence, but she knew.
Too many late nights, too few explanations.
And late again, tonight of all nights.
Her phone rang.
Languidly she pressed ‘Answer’.
‘Honey, sorry I’m late, pile up in the tunnel, no reception.
But great news, I’ve done it!
I know I’ve been secretive, wanted to surprise you on your birthday.
There in twenty.’
She squinted sadly at the empty bottles, Johnny Walker and sleeping tablets, and closed her eyes for the last time.
Oh sad !! 🙁 yet beautifully written.. liked the concept of the story..
How very kind of you.
Happy that it moved you a little.
This is my favorite of your growing collection of stories. Very sad, very eloquent.
Aloha,
Doug
AnElephant is surprised and delighted that you are following his offerings.
Thank you.
I actually cringed!
Glad it got to you!
I guess the surprise will be on him.
Life is like that sometimes….
Indeed it is.
Oh, how sad. I’m hoping he’ll get there in time…….
Whatever you like, MyBeautifulFriend!
the elephant’s contribution is fine
we hope to see it time after time
He is happy to find
That Bill is so kind
This poor hack
Will surely be back
🙂
Oooh. Reminds me of a Romeo and Juliet. Extremely well done.
Denmother
Generous praise, Denmother, thank you.
Ooohhh….Very sad. Great story. I love this one.
Lovely by name, lovely by nature.
Thank you for the kind words.
It’s not allowed to end that way. It’s not the last time she closes her eyes, just the last time before she wakes up choking on charcoal wash-out. Very well written – feeling suitably miserable now.
Oh, all right, you can write your ending for this one!
Thanks for popping in.
Poor girl! If only she talked about her fears – but then we wouldn’t have had the twist at the end, would we? Nicely done. 🙂
Thanks, J, glad you liked it.
Oh dear…but what clever word smithery…
Thank you, praise indeed!
How sad – and a double twist at the end. Really enjoyed this one 🙂
Well, how very kind.
Happy heffelump here!
Oh, the last sentence twist strikes again. She was so sure he was up to no good, yet he was only trying to surprise her. How tragic!
Thanks, Joe.
AnElephant’s tales always have a curl!
You have a lot of depth for so few words. If the relationship had gotten to this point then there were reasons for her action. Too bad she couldnt have just ended it instead of her life.
Well done
Thank you very much.
Your words are appreciated.
What a sad case of jumping to conclusions. Well done.
shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you, happy you enjoyed it.
Thats a beautiful and touchy story…
So much said in so less words!
How very kind of you.
It is rewarding to touch someone like this.
she could have waited for sometime..if only she had more faith in him…well written:)
Thank you, glad you liked.
Talk about a twist! Just a story, of course (a very well written one) but if there were a moral it would be: sometimes a little more trust is a good thing! 🙂 Oh and Johnny Walker???
AnElephantCant do morals like Penny.
But he tries to boost the national economy with a plug for one of our biggest exports!
This brought a lump to my throat. Such a painful story. You wrote the emotions really well.
Pleased that it worked for you.
Thank you.
What a shame…for both of them! Well-done twist as already mentioned.
janet
Thank you, glad you liked.
Great title to this piece with a disturbing ending. Very well constructed, no loose ends at all and a little life lesson thrown in for good measure. Bravo.
Merci, cherie, tu es tres gentille comme toujours.
Maybe it was for the best. No? She had moved toward distrust of her own free will without confronting him and fighting for what she wanted, so perhaps she didn’t love him, or life. Sad, really.
AnElephantCant make judgement.
Thanks for your comment.
Sad surprise. But the story is well written for sure.
Thank you for the kind words.
what the…. no! >< what an awful ending. but a great story 🙂
Aah, glad you liked some of it anyway!
This is darned inconvenient. You just want to go and shake her and put her in a cold shower.
Ooops, sorry!
Oh no… anelephantcant.. how can you do that..??? Shame…
It wisnae me! A big boy done it and ran away!
Oh…this reminds me of a few resent CSI Valentine episodes. Quick to jump to conclusions. And then the chapter closes. Twists are always good.
Thanks for your visit to Semi de ‘Lilium’.
Glad you enjoyed.
I inhaled so sharply. Yay! I love a short story like that. Love it like mad. Wonderfully executed. Serious. In awe that you did that much w/a micro story.
Praise from you, R, is very special.
Thank you.
I truly have a passion for short and micro story. Oh I do hope you try more of these. It appears, you have another talent within your writing skills Brian.
AnElephant has now done around 5 or 6 of these.
Reviews are mixed, of course!
It is fun to try something different.
But if you find any of them readable, then AnElephant is a happy heffelump.
Thank you, R.
Oh dear…I’m such a neglectful reader these days. If they are on your site I’ll investigate and find the others next time I’m on your site while on my computer. I’m so rarely on a computer these days. But I love short story enough I’ll search them up.
What an awful twist. Great work. 🙂
Cheers, Bjorn!
Now I has the ‘sads’…. good twist there Brian 🙂
No sads, bring back the glads!
Hugs
hugs back my friend.
Powerful piece. Enjoyed this one
Thank you, glad you did.
Guess he has a surprise for her birthday too. Nice sad end to it.
Thanks, Al.