Sunday Photo Fiction is a weekly challenge presented by my old friend Al Forbes.
The idea is to write a short story (200 word max) inspired by what you see in his picture (below).
This week’s great photo takes me back to when I was just a wee laddie, early mornings on a bike in freezing weather (was it really always winter?), doing my paper round.
Click on this link to enter your tale, and see what others have written.
Copyright Al Forbes
Onions
She smiles when she sees him come into the garden, carefully closing the gate behind him.
To her southern English eyes he is almost the caricature of a Frenchman.
He sports a beret and a droopy moustache, and has a string of onions around his neck.
He speaks English with a heavy Breton accent, but the ancient eyes are kindly.
The road is narrow, he indicates the toys on the lawn, we must take care of the children.
She buys his onions, of course, more than she needs, and gives him a cool drink.
She is still smiling as she waves him goodbye on his ramshackle old bike with its packed trailer.
These country lanes are very narrow, she thinks later as she drives into the village, and people drive too fast.
The onions on the road catch her eye, causing her to slow sufficiently to see the wrecked bicycle and broken body in the ditch.
Pierre by Phil Burns
Reading it made me curious to know more about “onion Johnnies”.
Maybe excellent or brilliant won’t do justice to this extraordinary piece of writing.
Reading it makes me smile and at the end I found myself crying.
Beautiful tale!
Well, Madeeha, I think I enjoyed your comment as much as you enjoyed my story.
It is difficult to respond to such fulsome praise, so let me just say, most sincerely, thank you.
I will be smiling happily for the rest of today.
This is delightful! I was a Southern English girl living in a little Northern french village for a couple of years and I always wanted to see a Frenchman with a beret and an onion necklace, but I never did. Thanks for making my day!
Check out my Photo Fiction!
Anyone who uses the word ‘delightful’ makes my day too, Rosey.
Thank you.
Such sad a ending for a well-written piece. Brilliant. 🙂
How very kind of you, Maria.
You have put a smile on my face that might last all day!
Nice flash fiction. So much meaning in just a few words, and ending sadly, but life is like that sometimes. Seeing the onions on the road was a dead give-a-way..no pun intended. 🙂
Thank you, JC, glad you enjoyed.
Pun forgiven (I prefer really bad puns).
A nice job on this bit of flash fiction. I was afraid you would take it to that end and you proved me right. Sad ending.
Sorry to be so boringly predictable, Corina!
I will try to do better in future.
Not boring. But a challenge to do better is always a good thing. No?
Alas, no, dear lady.
My confidence is shattered, my self-esteem gone.
I don’t believe I will ever write another word.
Oh dear! Smashed onions. I love the french references and it’s easy to imagine and visualise the characters from reading the story.
Merci, M. Gris-Jambon, (c’est vraiment ton nom?).
Sound Bite Fiction is heavily dependent on the imagination of the reader, so it is really cool when it works.
J’ai toujours beaucoup de plaisir à te lire! J’aime bien mon prénom Graham mais il a toujours été difficile à prononcer pour les francophones 🙂
Tu es trop gentil, Gré-Hameau.
Mais pour nous, rien est difficile!
A great story. Just like the protagonist, we see the onion, and slowly realise what has happened
Thanks, Miss K, glad you found it enjoyable.
What a well-written tale. I knew you wouldn’t let the kind gentleman live… 🙁
Phil’s gif is fun!
Well, thank you, Ms Dale, I would have, but I was getting withdrawal symptoms, haven’t snuffed anyone out for days now.
Phil is brill!
That was true…was worried you were turning into an ole mushy softie…
Well, uh, mushy’s ma middle name, honey…
I know that…ye canna fool me!
Vividly captured and wrenching. Well done!
Thank you, Karen, always happy to know that a tale is appreciated.
Good stuff. Evocative.
Thank you, sir.
You are able to draw us in to the characters with so few words. A genuinely sad ending – and not what I was expecting.
Glad you liked, Steve.
But remember, Nobody expects…
Oh sorry, that’s been used before, hasn’t it?
A long long time ago, my ancesters crossed the Chanel to sell their onions….
to the commercial enterprise, you brought the human dimension, its motivation and sometimes cost.” We must take care of the children”…
That’s why this Sound Bite is so good in my opinion.
Thank you, Emmy, I am sorry I killed off ton grand-père.
There has to be a human dimension in a Sound Bite, I believe, for it to have any impact, or even meaning.
True. It’s all about people in SBF, but this one is about ordinary folks, not heroes or killers, not–shall we say–the seedier caracters we read about but would rather not meet!
I don’t think you killed mon pépé. He didn’t have a bike 😉
Poor guy. Dangerous lanes indeed.
Cheers, Al.
I am sure you know the sort of back roads I mean, there are plenty around your area.
And why no story from you these days?
C’mon, you know you want to!
I did one yesterday 🙂
I hate the lanes. They are okay at night as you can see the headlights, but daytimes I am terrified of them.
Reblogged this on anelephantcant and commented:
AnElephantCant ride a bicycle
He is not a candidate for next year’s tough Tour de France
He is quite unwaveringly unaerodynamic
He gets in a pitiful panic
Going downhill his brave brakes clearly don’t stand the ghost of a chance
Dear C. E.,
Your intro has me trying to imagine a wee laddie on his bike. 😉
You’ve packed a longer story into few words. You made me love the Frenchman and then broke my heart.
Speaking of the Frenchman, I think he’s winking at me…at least raising his eyebrow.
Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Very happy this spoke to you on so many levels.
And isn’t Phil’s little gif just wonderful!