Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Ted’s colourful image took me to one of my favourite haunts, the little café in the square.
Where happiness abounds.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.
© Ted Strutz
Peter
I am the only one who feels sorry for Peter.
He runs the carousel beside the little café in the square.
He often wanders over for a coffee.
He is a bit slow, but an okay guy.
Everyone thinks so.
Nobody connected him to the missing children.
We are appalled when his boss investigates the smell.
And finds two children under the floor of the spaceship, and another in the helicopter.
Everyone wonders how he thought he would get away with it.
Personally I think his boss is a more likely child killer.
But what do I know?
Apart from who put the kids there.
Such a scoundrel!
Wow. Just wow.
Whoa! This was one of the most chilling stories so far on this fairground-themed week (I had a chilling one myself, but yours goes right down to the “zero at the bone” feeling).
Taut, tense narrative voice, and brilliant characterization. I really enjoyed this, Ceayr!
Your words are music to my ears, dear friend.
I am very happy you enjoyed it so much.
It’s my pleasure. And it was truly a perfectly narrated tale, filled with concealed horror.
Clever story! I also find that the line structure you used helps the narration.
Glad you like the story and the structure.
This is how I typically create my Sound Bite Fiction.
I think it gives it an urgency, an immediacy, that fires the imagination.
CE, this really pulled me along, and then smacked me in the face! Wow. Really chilling.
Sorry about the smack in the gub, Dawn, but glad you got into it so much.
Chilling seems to be a consensus here!
Dear CE,
A mystery in so few words. A great deal said in that 1st line with the kicker at the end.
It makes me dislike fairgrounds so much more than I do.
Chilling and creepy … !!! Are we in a Halloween state of mind?
I love these FF stories. SO many great writers of which you are at the top. Wll done…!!!
Isadora 😎
Dear Isadora
Such fulsome praise, thank you.
Chilling and creepy is good!
I am flattered to be near the top of this group of talented writers.
Clever narration here …each word crafted with purpose. Nicely done.
What a great comment.
Thank you, I am smiling here.
Interesting end. I really like the pace and rhythm of the story.
Thank you, sir, glad you enjoyed it, whatever your name is.
Great job. spooky take on the photo
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Glad you enjoyed.
Great ‘the narrator did it’ story. I hope you don’t kill through blogs 🙂
Happy that you liked the story, JJ.
And a man has to do …
Sick ‘fellow’, killing children and letting an innocent man take the fall…not that a serial killer is just going to announce his guilt because he feels sorry for his scapegoat. You squeezed the life out of each and every word here. I am once again in awe of your Sound Bite skills.
You are too kind, my dear lady.
Comments like this are music to my ears.
I have made a tiny edit to the 2nd word of your comment because, despite the huge weekly loss of life, this is a family friendly blog.
Thank you for your visit and your wonderful compliments.
No worries on the edit. I will keep this in mind in the future and mind my p’s & q’s.
A creepy serial child killer and we are still not sure who it is but I don’t like this guy who is telling the story because he is so cold/detached about it. Even if it is not him.
He is not just cold/detached, Deborah, if you reread the last two lines.
Thanks for visiting.
Oh! very good, now who exactly did it?
Glad you liked it.
The clues are in the first and last lines.
Ahhh! now I see, it’s the storyteller for sure.
Bingo!
A cigar for the lady!
🙂
You wove a delightful web with an evil twist at the end. Funny how carnivals bring out the creepy side.
Delightful, evil and creepy.
I am glowing with pleasure, thank you!
I think there was some real reason to feel sorry for Peter, but I guess it will be the narrator lighting the fire under Peter’s stake..
The narrator may feel sympathy for Peter, but he is certainly no friend.
Nice twist at the end. I say nice in writing sense of course 🙂
Thanks, Paul, I appreciate that.
And take your point!
You are redeemed by your sympathy for Peter. Or maybe not.
Thank you for trying, Patrick, but redemption is a long shot here!
I’d be interested to see the evidence against each of them.
Good piece.
You can take it as read that Peter is in deep kanookies here, Mick.
And that the writer will walk away.
Such a menacing twist at the end there, unexpected and beautifully understated.
Thank you, Sandra.
You got it exactly as the writer intended.
Dear CE,
It’s nice that the narrator feels sorry for Peter, since he knows only to well who really put those poor little souls there. A nice serving of subtle with a hefty side of chill.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Et voila!
Nicely done. Mrs Holmes.
Elementary, dearest Watson…after coffee. 💜
The elixir of kickstart!
Aaarrrggghhh!
The little cafe in the square is a most insalubrious place… Medville beware!
You give me the heebe-jeebies sometimes the way your brilliant imagination moves in dark places!
But I really like the way you lead the reader through the tight maze of facts to the open conclusion. Great writing.
Thank you for lots of kind words, Em, but the writer did not intend to leave it so open this week.
Then I misread. My apologies ceayr.
I think perhaps I could have benefited from a few more words this week.
It was not too clear, I now accept.
I took the open ended route because it was possible. The writer knows whodoneit, but I did not see his dirty hands… or did not want to. Because things are not always as they seem
😉
Or maybe they’re in it together, and he’s not that slow…
Well written!
Glad you enjoyed, Miles, but you are slightly off the mark here.
A clue.
Read again the first and last sentences.
Reblogged this on anelephantcant and commented:
AnElephantCant go up very high
He is scared of a carousel
He is big and round
Likes his feet on the ground
And even that does not always work out too well