The Unicorn Challenge.
A magical new weekly writing opportunity from her – Jenne Gray – and me.
Visit her blog every Friday to see the photo prompt, and post your amazing story in her comments section.
Or on your own blog, and stick the link down in her comments.
The rules are:
Maximum of 250 words.
Based on photo prompt.
That’s it.
To hear me read my story, just click here:
Waiting
They’re always here.
Just sitting.
Some sit on small stools, some on boxes.
Some just squat on their heels.
But are they ‘just sitting’, or are they waiting?
There’s no indication that they’re waiting for anything in particular; there’s no sign of any impatience, no one checks the time, or looks for an approaching vehicle.
I think they might be watching.
Watching me.
But why?
Someone coughs, quietly.
Mine is the only head that turns.
Another fouters with his softly but irritatingly beeping phone.
I make notes, as always.
I see no sign of a threat.
I look at the guy opposite me.
He shifts slightly, avoids my eye.
I smile at the pretty lady further down.
She turns her head away, nervously.
I run a practiced eye over the others.
Nothing.
They are the usual mixture of humanity, the sort you might find in any place where people wait.
A doctor’s surgery, a train station or airport, a public service office, with the ubiquitous hard, uncomfortable seats.
Or a queue at a bus stop, or outside a shop, where there are no seats.
I try to relax, but something is nagging at my mind.
Now, at last, the questions start to surface.
I said that they are always here, but how do I know that?
Am I always here?
And what is this place?
What am I doing here?
What am I waiting for?
Where am I?
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This was great! Loved the style – it just fit. Loved the voice – you could feel the deprivation. Loved the ending which was a wise comment on the human condition.
Three ‘Loved’ makes me a happy bunny, Rosemary!
Delighted you enjoyed it so much.
At some point, we all have to turn our focus inwards, on ourselves, to find the true questions. And the answers to those questions? We may never know. Waiting, still.
Fabulous, as always!
Very true, Liz. The questions are hard enough, the answers, if we find them, sometimes unbearable.
I love ‘Fabulous, as always!’, thank you for that.
Interesting style and format and it works so well with this story! Well done and it makes the reader think more deeply about mental ill health.
Hello and welcome, Amanda.
Thanks for visiting and commenting, and for the timely reminder that not everyone is familiar with my way of writing.
I call it Sound Bite Fiction because it is designed to be short and snappy, and I carry this style through all my work, even the full-length novels (available on Amazon!)
If my story provokes a thought, then I’m happy.
Then you must be happy as it did provoke a thought with me!
Ooh, very spooky…
Laughing. Thanks, Chris!
Are you even there at all? An intriguing tale told in your inimitable fashion.
Me? Nah, I’m rarely here. Or anywhere else.
Thanks, Keith, I like ‘inimitable’.
Oo, good story. The tension increases as the story proceeds. All that watching, and lack of movement by the characters, apart from some coughing and glances and little head movements and phone footering 🙂. Great ending – after believing we’ll find out, eventually, what’s going on, we learn that nobody knows what’s going on. Sounds like life, in fact.
Laughing at your last words, Margaret, because I confess that I hadn’t realised just how like life it is!
Glad you enjoyed.
A deeply unsettling story and deftly crafted – as ever.
I marvel at the suspense you create using such undramatic language.
There’s an air of time suspended in which the MC wonders where he is – in your tale, a highly disturbing question.
But I wonder WHO he is, he who has a ‘practised eye’, who ‘makes notes, as always’ and who is aware of ‘signs of threat’?
I really like this.
I think you need to give yourself one of your chapeaux.
Thanks, Jenne, it seems that you picked up on all the little clues this week.
I like ‘unsettling’ and ‘disturbing’.
Doff.
A strangely disturbing story, CE.
This sounds like being in limbo. If you were raised Catholic, you know that’s where unbaptized babies allegedly go when they die …. an absolutely dreadful and frightening theology taught to young children. The inane beliefs and teachings of organized religion can be staggering.
Disturbing is good, Nancy, and my views on organised religion are well documented.
As for limbo, it is another of my pet topics:
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Really enjoyed this.
As I often do, on my second read, I form opinions. Just a general sense of like/dislike followed often by something symbolic of my impression of what I’ve read. (For what it’s worth, this week: ‘Pen and Ink’ drawing, a certain pleasing linearity.)
The next time through, especially if I’ve managed to not register the climax/ending, I’ll look for technical elements that I can recognize.
Finally the ending… both in sequence and this week.
(Old joke) Two words: Damn!
ya fricken wrote your story backwards dude! (or, maybe upside down) in the most effective manner possible. Of course, had the order been reversed a part of the effect would remain, but nothin like getting the Reader off guard!
fun
I have to say, Clark, that I enjoy your comments more than most stories.
Your determination to analyse, understand and improve is commendable.
I like ‘fun’!
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I am struggling with this one. Glad you were able to come up with something interesting.