Artwork by Phil Burns
This challenge is produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – QUARTER
Click here to hear the author read his words:
‘Black Ben’ Burp
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp – so called because of the obligatory colour of his hat, clothes and moustache, all clearly indicative of his role as baddie in this story – rides into town, guns down Sheriff Tim Starr, and takes over, I decide to do nothing.
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp swaggers into the Land Office, guns down Cole Pitt, to take over all the mining concessions, and Bull Farmer, to take over all the deeds for the cattle ranches, I decide to do nothing.
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp moseys into the saloon and guns down the proprietor, Johnny Walker – born 1820 and, until then, still going strong – and takes over, I decide to do nothing.
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp ambles into Kate’s Restaurant and Bakeshop and takes over, sending Katie Cutie-Pie on the next stage to Dodge, I decide it’s time for action.
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp is having breakfast, I go up to the attic, open the old Spanish chest (have you noticed they are always Spanish?), lift out my six-guns (please note the hyphen, there are only two guns, one for each hand, but holding six bullets each (this Western writing is harder than I thought, oodles of research)), unwrap them lovingly for the first time since I was a wild kid (my mum had to slap my leg on more than one occasion, I can tell you) and the fastest gun west of San Francisco, slide them into their holsters, and buckle on my gun-belt.
When ‘Black Ben’ Burp strides out into the middle of Main Street under the sweltering midday sun (actually it’s about quarter past, as he had an important prior engagement at noon with Russel Cowes, leader of a rival gang of miscreants, whom he gunned down at the Not Bad Corral), narrows his eyes, spits a stream of tobacco juice out of the corner of his mouth (a thoroughly disgusting habit, in my opinion, and quite inappropriate at a civilised gunfight with impressionable children watching) and asks me if I’m gonna draw or just stand there whimpering and do nothing, I decide to do nothing.
Hahaha that was great! The line “quite inappropriate at a civilised gunfight” had me especially chuckling. The asides worked quite well in this piece.
Chuckling is good, Nicole, always happy to amuse my reader
Still chuckling 😀 Fabulous spoof six. I especially enjoyed the asides!
Glad you did, Chris, it was in constant danger of collapsing under the weight of its own silliness!
This is one Six of ride, C.E. I definitely hadn’t reckoned on that ending 😉
Entertaining Six!
I do enjoy the occasional uncle-climax, Denise!
And thus ends the tale of rivalry between Black Ben and our cautious cow (probably not) puncher.
Hope MC hoped the next stage to Dodge and Katie Cutie-Pie.
I don’t care where he goes, Liz, as long as he doesn’t come back with any more ridiculous tales!
Nice description: “the fastest gun west of San Francisco”
Laughing.
Not the highest accolade, hmm!
Fun story!
Thanks, Mimi
A top drawer sharp biting funny Six! Had to chuckle at Johnnie Walker as I have a tin plate ad saying the same in front of me right now on the kitchen wall as I write. Love the little diversions, like the six-guns explanation. And the twist at the end is perfect!
Marvellous Six, sir!
Ford
Thanks, Ford, glad it worked for you.
I could feel the story careening towards slapstick as I wrote it!
Loved it. You did good, as I reckon slapstick is maybe much harder to show in words than it is in live action.
Love the art work and the six. Good one.
Phil’s art is always a joy.
Thanks, UP
You have excelled yourself, sir! Brilliant.
Hey, one in a row!
Cheers, Keith
(this is appearing to be the week for funny-twist-ending Sixes!)
As did the others, I enjoyed the breadcrumb narrative* and spend the time looking for other hidden jokes, references and Easter Eggs in your Six
Fun!
* not a ‘real’ term in rhetoric
Glad you enjoyed the treasure hunt, Clark
Excellent take on the prompt!
Thanks, Reena
At the top of your game, ceayr. I’m stealing ‘Not Bad Corral-. 🙂
Thanks, Doug, I nearly went for the French ‘Pas Mal Corral’, but didn’t think you colonials would understand!
Now that made me laugh!
The repetitions at the beginning and end of the sentences really frame the story of ‘Black Ben’ Burp and your delightfully self-deprecating anti-hero, and work us up to the perfect…anti-climax!
And the names – they had me groaning and grinning. (I can’t help thinking of ‘Black Ben’ Burp as Rank Badjin!)
I particularly enjoyed the allusion to ‘Johnny Walker, born 1820 and still going strong’, until then at
least.
Such a great story.
Yeah, it started silly and went downhill fast from there.
I suppose the narrator could be Lobey Dosser, Rank Bajin’s arch-nemesis, although it would be quite a stage ride for Ms Cutie-Pie from Calton Creek to Dodge!