Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, the standard, and the prompt photo.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture below, which this week is supplied by Douglas M. MacIlroy.
© Douglas M. MacIlroy
Click here to hear the author read his words:
Sid Shovel, PI
When she undulates into my office my eyes decide to pop out, just to be nearer her.
This dame has a body that can stop an express train hurtling down a mountain.
She sits and crosses her long, slender, nylon-clad legs.
I imagine everything from our first date to the grandchildren visiting before she finishes.
She hands me a cheque.
The string of zeroes reminds me of my favourite soccer team’s recent goal-scoring record.
She explains her problem in great detail and at great length.
Eventually she stops.
What do you think, she asks.
I’m sorry, I say, I wasn’t listening.
Ha! Brilliant, I can relate to that, losing concentration to a fantasy can be tricky!
Excellent. Hope she doesn’t take back the cheque.
Love the style, and how the scene is so cinematic– . I can imagine Sid’s drawling voice saying ‘I wasn’t listening’
A very amusing story, from the start to the end. LOL.
Glad you enjoyed, Indira.
I trust you are staying safe there, dear lady.
We are staying home, still safe. @1 days lock down, 11 more days to go, hopefully. Thanks. Take care.
Lovely piece of crime noir, sir. It makes you wonder if any of them ever listened, the women that strode into their offices were always stunners. I wonder if it’s too late to set up as a gumshoe?
I don’t see the point of having Plain Jane walk in, Michael.
It’s my story, and I like pretty ladies!
So do I which is why I wanna be a PI when I grow up
Ha, I was just thinking as I read that he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to the reason she’s there! Though I guess I wouldn’t either 😉
Great take on the genre.
Thank you, Ali, some of us have flaws, don’t we!
I can understand Sid being distracted, but come’on. She may want to find another too!
Sid is happy just to be on the same planet
Made me smile, CE, and I can hear the PI voice!
Then my work is done!
Thanks, Liz
Not listening is not going to get him to first base! Funny. 🙂
I think his chances are slim, for sure
Undulates…love this homage to the old time PI tales.
Ronda
I love that word!
Glad you enjoyed, Ronda
just wondering if he can still rise to the occasion. 🙂
He is probably as hopeless as he sounds!
All that’s missing is ‘Say it again, Sam(antha)’.
Of all the blogs in all the internet…
You had me laughing from beginning to end! Fun read 🙂
Then I am happy, Linda!
I thought we Americans were the only ones uncouth enough to call football soccer. How much arrogance is required to take the most popular game in the world and say, “We’re gonna call it something else. This is now football because… we say so.”?
“I imagine everything from our first date to the grandchildren visiting before she finishes.” I’ve been there. I got a good laugh at the last line, too.
‘Soccer’ was for your benefit, sir.
And yes, I think we’ve all had moments like that
It’s hard to listen and ogling at the same time. She will not need the check to get you to work.
He has a problem with his priorities, Bjorn
This is excellent, CE. I giggled just about all the way through, then read it again just to giggle some more. Hilarious! I think my favourite line was “I imagine everything from our first date to the grandchildren visiting before she finishes.”
Giggling is good, Penny, glad it got your funny bone
Honestly, you men! 🙂
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
What can I say, Susan, you got me!
Each of us has to deal with his share of dames(synonym for broads) who have that kind of an affect upon him. It’s such a good story
Thank you, Larry, that’s such a good comment!
He’s got his mind on the job, just not the job she wants doing. I don’t think he’ll earn enough to keep her in the manner to which she’s accustomed.
I guess a shovel ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, hmm?
This caused me to smile. Good one 🙂
Thanks, Colline
I guess there is a reason Sam’s lesser known cousin is, well, lesser known… The language was spot on. I got a big chuckle out of it.
A chuckle is good, Trent.
And yes, you can’t call a shovel a spade
I would say forget the first date; listening is the key activity towards success in this scenario. If she knew what he was thinking, he would be dead meat.
I will pass on your undoubtedly sound advice, James!
🙂 🙂
She has the figure & the figures!
Absolutely great for staring & listening! Better start listening!
Stay safe.
He’s in a tizzy, for sure
His imagination going from first date to grandchildren made me smile. Lovely writing.
Thank you, Clare, coming from you that is much appreciated
Me suspects a femme fatale. Enjoyed that.
Glad you did, Anthony
But I was, long legs you say.🙂
Sort of thing, yeah…
Man, he really should be listening. She might be leading him into some very dangerous ways… Made me smile, C. Perfect 🙂
Your smile makes my day, Lynn
Haha, this short story is a proper giggler. Stories can be silly and still well told.
Thank you, Ms Zebra. If you recall my previous pink incarnation you will know silly is my forte!
Raymond Chandler with humour. Love it. (Although it’s called football, not soccer 😉 )
Quite right, Iain 🙂
Et tu, Lynn
😂
Iain we have three major codes of football here and all of them want to be called football. Soccer its stays for me. 😉
I thought you guys called them all footie!
C’mon, Iain, you know it’s for the benefit of our colonial cousins.
Glad you enjoyed.
We shouldn’t bow to their uncivilised ways! 😉
I’m sure he’ll work really hard for her if you know what I mean. 😀
Great storytelling.
Very kind, Tannille, thank you
Dear CE,
The descriptions made me laugh out loud. He needs to put those private eyes back in his head and listen to what she’s saying. 😉 Cute story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you, m’lady, happy to amuse
A private eye without the presence of mind to know how to lie convincingly doesn’t deserve her business. Fun story!
Thanks, Neil, I guess he’s just smitten