Derelict – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Today’s photo is another which gives us many options.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.
Given my ongoing problem with ‘un nerf coincé’, a pinched nerve which renders my right (writing) arm almost useless, I apologise in advance for my limited responses again this week.


© J Hardy Carroll


Derelict buildings have their own personalities, I think.
Well, maybe personality is not the right word, perhaps I mean characteristics, smell, atmosphere.
And they have their own ghosts, of course.
Back then, when we were boys, the old warehouse was our gang hut.
It was our secret, between the three of us.
Noddy was the leader, Jimmy always backed him.
Until the mutiny.
Their disappearance caused an uproar at the time.
Their parents knew they often went down by the river.
They dredged it for days.
They never knew about the warehouse.
Derelict buildings have their own ghosts, I know.

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33 Responses to Derelict – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Wow Ceayr! I’m a huge fan of all things sinister and you did it in style! Fantastic! Hope your on the mend, gentle hugs, Heidi 🙂


  2. subroto says:

    Quite a sinister touch at the end. Derelict buildings often have many stories 😜


  3. madamewriter says:

    Superbly disturbing! I love an old, deserted, derelict building. Well done!


  4. mandibelle16 says:

    Well built story. I want to know more too, as Jenn said. When the mutiny what exactly happened that thry disappeared/died, that would be a good part 2.


  5. Scary!
    Hope you are better doon.


  6. Jenn says:

    Awesome! I want to know more.


  7. Dale says:

    Don’t want to sound redundant… but all of the above… You are the master of sinister… let us hope your nerve gets dé-coincé soon…


  8. I really liked this one. Very dark, as so many of your stories are. Nicely conveyed atmosphere of mystery and knowing.


  9. rgayer55 says:

    Sounds like your nerve has started a mutiny of it’s own. I hate when that happens. I had a bulging disc in my back that haunted me for ten years. Finally, the Doc whittled part of it off so it would quit flattening my spinal cord. Ah, what sweet relief.

    As for your story, it sounds like when loses a friend, he really loses them—permanently.


  10. Jan Brown says:

    Very spooky. Great build-up of atmosphere and tension. Wonderful, the way you let us finally figure out the narrator’s secret.

    Best wishes on your recovery. I have suffered with sciatica, so I can imagine how painful and disabling that pinched nerve must be. I hope your ordeal ends soon.


  11. plaridel says:

    obviously, somebody lived to tell the story.


  12. ansumani says:

    Dark and sinister. I like how you unfold the story …benign at first.


  13. No apparent remorse in this boy.
    I like it. Sending you healing prayers.


  14. jellico84 says:

    Reminds me of the old feed mill where we used to hang as kids. On one side was the river, and the other was the railroad… Oh, if that old building could talk.


  15. mjlstories says:

    Great piece of gothic nastiness. I love the sparseness of the prose.
    Wishing you a speedy recovery.


  16. Pingback: Telling Tales | MJL Stories

  17. liz young says:

    I wonder whether this murderer will ever be able to sleep easy.


  18. gahlearner says:

    There’s only one conclusion for who the mutineer is. No wonder he knows that there are ghosts. I hope your hand gets better soon.


  19. Margaret says:

    Gorgeously spooky. I like the way you’ve echoed the first sentence in the last one. Very good. Boys, eh? All the best with your injured arm. Must be driving you crazy.


  20. mickwynn2013 says:

    Great atmosphere. Old empty buildings have so many tales to tell.


  21. oldentimes says:

    Good work, as always your standard too is high. Wishing you well with the arm and a speedy complete recovery.


  22. Mike says:

    To live with such ghosts, you illustrate the troubling side of such buildings so well.


  23. Very sinister. I hope your trapped nerve gets sorted soon.


  24. IfeomaO says:

    Seems dark and sinister is a recurring theme- maybe the woods should improve their image :). You wrote a subtle, but gripping piece.


  25. The Voice says:

    Excellent! So well crafted with a great, frightening punch at the end. Thank you for that.


  26. I somehow see both an end and a cause in your words… You do sinister so well… so really well.


  27. Thom Carswell says:

    Perfect as a 100 word story but could also easily be the introduction to a much longer piece. I really enjoyed it!


  28. wmqcolby says:

    Sinister indeed. You have more story in there than a library. Nice!.
    Nailed it, C.E.!


  29. neilmacdon says:

    The laconic one sentence paragraphs create a really sinister atmosphere


  30. Dear C. E.

    Great job of creating the atmosphere. I could almost smell the musty air. And your narrator is subtly sinister. Your pinched nerve hasn’t crimped your writing style. Gentle hugs…



  31. We had a hide-out when I was a kid, fortunately nobody disappeared. Nicely done, it has that scary quality that is hard to achieve without getting over the top. Hope your health troubles disappear soon.


  32. Sandra says:

    And I’m fairly sure your narrator knows more than he’s telling. You do sinister really well, and I’m sorry about your trapped nerve. Hope you soon feel better.


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