Friday Fictioneers is a weekly challenge hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the doyenne of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the standard I aspire to.
The idea here is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture below.
Copyright Sandra Crook
Le Crunch
The tension is palpable.
The streets are almost empty.
A mother hurries her child home from the doctor’s surgery.
An old man chews on the end of his baguette, nervously stumbles into a doorway.
No one wants to be outside when it starts.
Men in dark clothes group at either end of the street.
We surround our champion, make sure he is prepared for this clash.
Eyes flicker to the dreaded opponent, younger and quicker.
I look at Henry, read the doubt in his face.
And the fear.
I know it is the end.
Real Tennis is an unforgiving game.
Very entertaining. Great pacing and set up and I love the twist.
great twist! I was expecting bloodshed and got….bouncing balls?!
I was guessing shoot-out 🙂
Well done, really tense set up here.
And they lure us in with those spotless white outfits and sunny-bright balls! Good turn at the end there.
I don’t recall hearing the term “sound bite fiction” before, but I did attend today, and I love it. It actually works better than the more loosely defined “flash fiction” for stories under 150 words long.
All my best,
Marie Gail
There’s always someone younger and stronger trying to knock the leader off the top of the mountain. I can hear Cream’s “Anyone for Tennis” playing in the background.
Nicely done, I was sure it was going to be a shootout at high noon! 🙂
You bring it home with the intensity. There’s no doubt in my mind that tennis is pretty serious stuff. Tennis players are such find athletes, too. Nicely done.
Nice build-up, then got me! Very well-written.
A nice shift at the end of your story. Well written …!!! 😊
Isadora
The mood and tension building up was great, I did expect them to play Boule, though. But now I’ve learned something new, real tennis, hadn’t heard of this. These are the best stories.
Nah, it looks much more like a Real Tennis court than a boules piste.
But glad you liked the story, and learned something too.
Clever with the right amount of tension building up which is difficult to do well but you did it very well.
You are very kind, Sally, I am glad this little tale worked for you.
Love the build up, brilliantly done!
Thank you very much for your very kind words.
This is why we write!
Very interesting! A great job building tension…finally leading to the ultimate “reveal” at the end. I had to look up Real Tennis 🙂
Gosh, Jan, you are just so not upper class!
Happy you liked the tale.
Haha.That was an unexpected ace-serve (if my tennis language is right). Good one 🙂
One can certainly serve an ace in Lawn Tennis, but my knowledge of the finer points of Real Tennis is best described as sketchy!
Thank you for comment, glad you enjoyed the story.
May the best man win. 😀 Liked the misdirection.
Thank you, Vinay, glad you enjoyed.
I almost got torticollis from the sudden shift!
Excellent, mon ami, excellent!
Merci, belle Dale, but I thought torticollis was a hybrid of a hard-shelled creature and a healthy vegetable.
We live and learn!
LOL! Monsieur Le Comique!
Very cleverly misleading!
Then my day is a success!
Thank you.
I’m still enjoying the image of the old man chewing on the end of his baguette
Nibbling on your baguette while walking is the law in France, like using a phone while driving.
The tension was there, for sure. Competitive sport is often too cruel and you reminded us of that splendidly.
Very happy you enjoyed it.
Thank you for commenting.
Reblogged this on anelephantcant and commented:
AnElephantCant cool down his trunk
He confesses he is somewhat flustered
Mummy’s home-made apple pie
Brings a tear to his eye
When he smothers it in what he thinks is custard
A superb piece of misdirection. Well done, CE.
Thank you, Sandra.
I am not sure that my story does much credit to Dijon’s wonderful architecture, as shown in your photo.
But I did, at least, manage to sidestep any mustard-related puns.
However, I know AnElephant who will probably make up for that.
Dear CE,
I love being led in one direction only to find myself somewhere else. I hope that made sense. In other words great build of tension with a delightful twist at the end. Athletes are very serious about their sports. Well done, sir.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks, Rochelle. Remember that, here in Medville, nothing is ever quite what it seems. Sandra’s street view immediately reminded me of a Real Tennis court.