Friday Fictioneers is a weekly challenge hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, who introduced me to what I now call Sound Bite Fiction.
My goal is to write it as well as she does.
The idea here is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture below.
copyright stephen-baum
Fear
I am a realist.
I know, deep down inside, that she is dead.
And I know that the police will never find her killer.
They do not have the time or the resources.
Or, perhaps, even the inclination.
But I do.
So I stand here, where she was abducted, all day.
Every day.
Watching.
He must know the area.
He must pass by here often.
I keep my senses finely tuned.
I do not know what he looks like, other than the vague and conflicting witness descriptions.
But I will know him.
I will smell her fear on him.
Grief can open strange ways. His determination may cause him trouble… but just standing guard could protect others. This is a man to admire, pity, and fear. Right now, for me, fear wins… I wouldn’t want to meet him, self-justice scares me.
Wise words, G, grief is a potent emotion.
Just think about Willie Nelson’s Red Headed Stranger!
Thank you for your insightful comments.
I hope he someday finds her killer, though I’m sure the odds of him doing so are slim. A nicely written piece. You convey his pain very well.
Thank you, Louise, for taking the time to comment.
I am happy that my short tale gave you pause for thought.
This was the kind of place my parents warned me to avoid and I can feel the narrator’s pain as he waits for her killer. I don’t know whether he’ll be able to smell her fear or not but perhaps by his vigil someone else may be saved. The odds are the killer has moved on to another spot.
I am glad you can relate to the story, Irene.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Very well written piece with a great last sentence. He’ll find his man no matter how long it takes, I’d like to be there to see it happen!
Cheers, Perry, your praise is highly valued.
And I have to admit I liked the last sentence too.
I am sure you know the feeling when you just nail it.
Ooh, I love the last bit of him smelling her fear on him. Excellent work!
Thank you, Amy, you are most kind.
I hope he’s successful, but fear that he may waste the rest of his life looking for justice/revenge. Great story, you made me worry for his future.
Glad you liked the story, sir.
But don’t fret, he is determined.
Well done. I enjoyed the read very much!
Thank you, Roger, that brightens my day!
Excellent one that is open to several interpretations. Looks like the protoganist is there to serve justice.
Indeed, dear lady, and he means to do so.
Thank you for your visit, and for taking the time to comment so thoughtfully.
I’m cheering him on, the best stories revolve around such determination! Well written!
Thank you, Yolanda, he probably can use some support.
I like the structure and the impact. The last line makes me wonder more about the protagonist’s own demons…
Thank you, Emily, glad you enjoyed.
And clearly he is not a happy chappie…
From the structure I thought this was a poem, but it is a true story (not that poetry is a problem of course) 🙂
I wonder if our MC is entirely human… the suggestion he can smell her fear on the attacker is suggestive of non-human abilities… In any case, I liked it, dark, tense piece.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, WB.
I structure my stories, which I call Sound Bite Fiction, in this way for added impact.
I leave it to the individual reader to decide if it works for him/her.
And I am happy for the reader to interpret each tale in his/her own way.
In 100 words we often leaves many unanswered questions.
There was no intent here to suggest anything non-human, but I can understand why you might think that.
Some of us have certain senses more highly developed, especially in situations of extreme stress.
May I presume further on your time and thoughtfulness by asking that you read my previous post here, Time Machine, which might appeal to your intelligently questioning nature?
Cheers
I enjoyed your story CE!
Thank you, Babs, that makes me happy!
🙂
I love the tone and pace of this. His determination and certainty come through strongly. Gripping.
You are very kind, Margaret, I am very glad you enjoyed this little morsel of Sound Bite Fiction.
Punchy delivery here. Some interesting comments above.
Thanks, Patrick, I sometimes feel the comments are the best part!
Things left unresolved are the worst… they eat at you and stop you from moving forward. I hope the narrator can let it go one day and move on, though I sincerely doubt it.
After he finds the miscreant, perhaps?
That would at least bring closure of some sort.
Though it won’t bring her back at least he’d be able to close this chapter.
I admire his determination and the confidence he has that she will lead him to her abductor.
`The narrator believes he was so close to her emotionally that he will sense her extreme fear on the perpetrator, especially if she is already dead.
Cool 🙂
I am thinking of Hitchcock, and the story wher a traumatized woman points out her attacker, so her husband avenges her…..only to have her pick out the next man she sees as her attacker…and the next….
I am not familiar with that particular Hitchcock piece, but that scenario is much less likely here, don’t you think?
I was thinking he could think anyone in the area was guilty, he could go through a few people before finding the correct one–if he ever did 🙂
It seems, Samantha, that perhaps he has more faith in the power of love than you do?
no, say it isn’t so!!
It isn’t so.
(My mother told me never to say no to a lady.)
That’s scary … wonder if I will meet him one day.. I think I will be careful with what I eat as it might smell out of fear.
You should be okay, Bjorn, as long as you stay well away from the haggis!
I hope his sense of smell is accurate, lest the wrong person be the victim of vengeance!
Leo @ I Rhyme Without Reason
All he can do is believe, Leo.
Scary to think that predator mode is contagious. This reminds me of an old Twilight Zone… I hope he gets it right. Good job.
Ah, The Twilight Zone, that source of so much inspiration!
Thanks, Kimberley.
I liked your portrayal of this person who’s life is on hold. In so few words you managed to sum up the bleakness of their existence.
I am grateful for your kind words, and glad my little tale reached you.
That is quite a scary thought of waiting and waiting – I hope he gets the justice he is looking for.
Thank you, Sally, tune in next week to find out!
That will be a difficult one to explain to the police, but I’m sure he’s dedicated to the task in hand. Good one.
Thanks, Sandra, I guess he feels that this has to be done, regardless of consequences.
Reblogged this on anelephantcant and commented:
AnElephantCant be in a hurry
He is not going anywhere
He is contemplating
And cogitating
This new piece of Sound Bite Fiction from C. E. Ayr
Dear CE,
I love the determined voice in this. I can’t help but think of Liam Neeson in the Taken movies. Well done. And thank you for your kind words in your intro.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Glad that you liked it, Rochelle.
And you are welcome, my words are true.
I wonder whether the narrator will continue to delude himself until he assaults an innocent passer-by?
Good piece.
Maybe one man’s delusion is another man’s conviction, Mick?
Glad you enjoyed.