AnElephantCant tell you how excited he is
It is Wednesday Fictioneer time again
Please don’t be confused
He just tries to amuse
With this happy tale about goats in the garden
Actually, as you well know, it is Friday Fictioneer time.
We enter the domain of the Empress Rochelle, who graciously permits our feeble offerings to be laid at her feet.
The idea is to write a very short story, circa 100 words, based on a picture prompt (below).
That’s it.
Copyright – Randy Mazie
The Hunt
He studies the reports until his eyes ache.
He calls in favours, offers bribes and threats, begs and buys information from police and local press.
Finally he understands the man who attacked his daughter.
And all the other young girls.
He calculates where he will strike next.
He waits and watches.
He sees a man emerge from the shadows and moves quickly.
But not quickly enough.
The blow to his knee drops him to the ground.
They surround him, bats in hand.
The next blow renders him unconscious, so he never hears the words.
‘He won’t ever harm another child.’
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That was quite a hard read. Specially the end. But nuanced and gripping at the same time. Well written.
Oh wow. Very suprising and sad ending. Fantastic writing.
Well written in so few words. Even a twist in the tale.
Thank you for your comment, which went to Spam.
AArrggghhh!
Working on this!
I and some others on WP are having the same problem. Baffling, but I always check my spam folders before deleting anything. Ann
Rough one! I feel for that guy.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/07/13/friday-fictioneers-71213-a-very-grave-nanny-pg13/
I go along with Doug. Excellently written! 🙂 xo
What a shame…it should have ended better for him.
Dear AEC,
This was your best story so far. Nuanced, layered, terse yet full of detail, it carriend me along until the unforeseen twist at the end. Good job.
Aloha,
Doug
Looks like something that could be taken right out of the daily news. Injustice of justice.
The rule of ‘an eye for an eye’ wasn’t meant to blindside anyone. It really was to control the amount of wrong justice metered out. As in those ancient times if a man manhandling and hurt his neighbors daughter, the price to pay could go on for generations. An eye for and eye was meant to be; let the puishment fit the crime. So if a man stole his neighbors goat, he just had to replace the goat and not give up his first born as well.
Interesting piece. Nothing like a lynch mob!
Sad but extremely entertaining. Thanks
Lump – stuck – throat – a terrible subject but strong writing – I hate to think of people doing anything like this, I am glad there is retribution in his capture.
Thank you for visiting and commenting.
Your comment went to Spam, don’t know why.
Cheers
word press have had their ‘happiness engineers’ working in that glitch- was a major issue last week for lots of blogs. Glad you found me!
wow, very intense! feel so bad for the guy 🙁
Tough piece but made its point very well. A surprising turn of events excellently handled..
he was at wrong place at the right time..
Terrible ending to mob justice..realistic story
A surprise to me at the end, the guy seemed to be so careful. But others were hunting, too. Sad that they got the wrong guy.
Nice!
Mistakes easily become fatal when wielding a bat
A vigilante I’d look the other way for.
Great take on the prompt. Originality. Love it!
This is such a case against what we call ‘jungle justice’ in Nigeria. Giving him up to the authority would have served as a deterrent to some others who may want to tow his path. But, now we have a misplaced justice.
Powerful illustration of how mob rule goes wrong and that it’s not always the bad guy who gets the rough justice.
If that’s your idea of amusing (per your poem), I’ll pass on anything darker. A terrible tale all around–that the father planned “justice”, that others did as well, and that they got the wrong man.
janet
vigilante justice at it’s finest…sadly, not always against who deserves it.
I was a little confused if it was the father getting beaten so it could you some clarification
I’d like to think he could still hear it as the hot blackness swirls around then squeezes his soul down, down, down.
Gripping and gritty tale. Completely unexpected given the tone of your introductory poem! HA! But oh how I love surprises! 😀
Gripping story. Once again, things are not as they seem.
This is why I am totally against mob justice. Every now and then, innocent people get hurt.
I wasnlt sure if the point of view change in the middle. Poor dad, trying to do his job and gets wrongly punished. Proof vigilantes are not a good idea.
An example of misplaced justice or a has he deceived himself? Either way, powerful story.
Misplaced justice indeed, sir, poor daddy just got himself in the wrong place at the same time as the other hunters did!
Thank you for reading and for your comment.
I would be there as well, only I would have made sure that the second hit would have been in the knackers.
This is a very well told story. You can feel the father’s vehemence with it
That’s quite a contrast from the man at the beginning, studying, investigating and trying to understand, to the attitude of revenge and justice at the end. Great job.
Thanks, David, rough justice indeed.
The way I read this, the watching waiting father is mistaken for the guilty party. So a victim of the kind of rough justice that he was planning to execute? Well done.
Very well-done! We feel like clubbing this bloke too!
Oh, poor daddy! The others had obviously worked it out as he did, and jumped to a conclusion. Thank you for visiting and commenting.
I meant, club the ‘bad guy’ not the daddy! I should have expressed myself more clearly. 🙁
Dear Elephant,
This one is stunning. The way the father plots and plans and then goes for the bastard. I really love this one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you, Rochelle, but perhaps AnElephant’s writing – or the 100 word limit (good excuse!) – made it unclear that it was poor daddy who met with vigilante justice.
Dunno, Elephant, it was pretty clear to me. And I all but stoop and cheered.
Wow, brutal stuff. Sadly a reality in some places. Very well done.
Thank you, dear lady, a bit more violent than AnElephant’s usual gentle humour!
But glad you enjoyed.