AnElephantCant deny it
This week he is right on the ball
When he sees the phone
He hears everyone groan
He is about to make a trunk call!
It is Friday Fictioneer time again.
The idea is to write a very short story, circa 100 words, based on a picture prompt (below).
That’s it.
Copyright Danny Bowman
Twenty five years and I still miss your mum every day.
Aye, she was so happy too, moving into that new house.
That’s what killed her, you know, all the exertion and stress of moving.
And if the ambulance had been ten minutes earlier they could have saved her.
Imagine, eh, if that phone hadn’t been vandalised by some idiot just the previous night.
You must have nearly seen who did it!
I remember you charging out in a terrible mood, angry at leaving all your old pals behind.
You really grew up that day.
Looked after me ever since as if you blamed yourself.
oh my, this broke my heart.. but brilliantly told.
Hmm. I hope dad doesn’t think too hard about what he just said. Great story – so much said so tightly.
Excellent piece!
This had me gasping in shock. I hope his Dad doesn’t find out. They’ve both suffered so much – the son even more so. Living with guilt for twenty-five years is punishment enough. Well written and great take on the prompt.
I enjoyed this sad story!
Well, AnElephant is delighted that you are happy to be sad!
That is the point of 100 word stories, he thinks.
😉
Really well done! I laughed at the ‘trunk’ part, but the other one is so sad.
Ah, well, the ups and downs of life!
Thanks for visiting.
Both of these pieces are just terrific. Great job all the way around.
Thank you, Sandra, very happy you enjoyed.
I love the subtlety of this, all the story that’s implied but not explicitly said. Great job.
AnElephant has confidence in his readers!
Thank you for stopping by.
A lot of story in a 100 words. I’m amazed.
Just seemed to pack it in this week!
Thank you for visiting.
Guilt is a true motivator.
But can there ever be redemption?
Spot. On. Perfect play off the prompt!
High praise, gratefully accepted!
Well deserved!
That was sone kind of story.. quite a few grizzly details to be filled in by us. Great take.
Hi, Bjorn, glad you liked and confident you can fill in the blanks!
I cannot imagine trying to deal with that type of feeling for the rest of your life. What a dramatic piece.
Thanks, Joe, glad it got to you!
Ouch! A whole lifetime isn’t going to take that guilt away is it? Really good story.
Thank you, Trudy, glad you enjoyed it.
Karma can be really nasty sometimes. Great take on the prompt!
As we say here, what goes around, comes around!
That’s a little scary! – I like it.
Scott
Mine:
http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/friday-fictioneers-52413-wrong-number-genre-humorous-pg13/
Thanks for your visit and comment.
A “trunk call” and as an elephant is want to do – a story that one can never forget. A terrific twosome. Randy
Fulsome praise, randy, very much appreciated!
You can’t beat a bit of dramatic monologue now and again. A chilling story.
Claire
Glad you liked the approach, thank you.
neat. well written
Thank you, Nightlake.
The poem was as delightful as the prose was poignant. We got our money’s worth out of you from this one! 😀
And it was free – great value for money!
Good story, and the elephant poem was great. I actually now suspect the elephant broke the phone…
Hah! Caught in the act!
Loved the trunk call and the terrible twist at the end of the story. Well done.
janet
Thank you, Janet, AnElephant tries his best!
Thanks, Elephant! I liked the poem and the story. Two for the price of one. Neat!
You are very welcome, glad you enjoyed both!
Just playing… enjoy!
http://julesinflashyfiction.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/disconnect-friday-fictioneers-just-jules/
Talk about yin yang here. I guess your trunk calls do balance out the sadness of your story! Both are excellent of course, as always! 🙂
Seems like there are two sides to every Elephant!
Hugs
Just two? 🙂 xo
Oh, yeah, just an upside and a downside, hadn’t you noticed?
a laugh with that one, well I noticed a lot of other nuances as well. Tree hugging among others!
Superbly crafted short short.
AnElephantCan make me gasp consistently with shock, delight, dismay,within the last five words of his stories. Amazing storyteller. Vraiment genial ton histoire et tres troublante… Ce qui la rend encore plus riche. Bravo.
Aw, shucks!
Yes, awful implications in this well-crafted tale. Loved the poem as well.
Very kind, glad you enjoyed.
And that my friend Elephant is why my family got involved with our volunteer Fire/aide service. Father-in-law he should rest (now) had heart issues. And hubby wanted to be able to not wait for assistance. Always good to at least know CPR and basic first aid. Even though they keep changing the program (CPR). Some family members are also state ceritified EMT’s (Emergency Medical Technicians.)
I’m thinking I like this prompt and might write another piece, though I haven’t yet. I’ve only got the Vamp piece up. I’ll let you know if I do. Cheers.
Thanks for your comments, Jules.
Any piece you submit will be brilliant!
Loved both submissions (poem and flash) for different reasons. 🙂
Thank you so much, I do appreciate that!
How awful to live with the guilt of a foolish decision made as a young person.
Oh, wait, I’ve been doing that my whole life 😉
Thank you for commenting.
Not sure what else to say here!
Humorous poem about the elephant making a trunk call.
Lovely play on words.
I’m not sure I got the story right. Was the person in question the one who vandalized the phone and has been feeling guilty about their mom’s death?
Well, Dad hasn’t reached that conclusion, but see other comments.
A great story, leaving me kind of weeping.
Oh, sorry!
But thanks for kind words.
Dear Elephant,
Not sure which I liked better, your story or your trunk call verses. 😉 One made me sad the other made me laugh out loud.
shalom,
Rochelle
AnElephant tries to entertain!
a tragic and chilling tale ! and as Alastair points it out the implication are awful.
Sometimes we pay a heavy price for our mistakes.
Chilling!
Thank you, Donna!
Tragic and so true. The window of time available for recovery is short in cases of heart attack.
Its always the delay. Here the traffic jams kill more people than heart attacks.
A very innovative use of the prompt. Hats off.
Thanks for visiting and commenting. Very much appreciated.
Oh dear. The implications of that are awful. 🙁 What a tragic story, caused out of anger. Excellent story again.
Suppose it could have been worse – you could have made the trunk call in your trunks 😉