The Unicorn Challenge.
A magical new weekly writing opportunity from her – Jenne Gray – and me.
Visit her blog every Friday to see the photo prompt, and post your amazing story in her comments section.
Or on your own blog, and stick the link down in her comments.
The rules are:
Maximum of 250 words.
Based on photo prompt.
That’s it.
To hear me read my story, just click here:
Fragile
I slip out the back door of the café and squat against the wall.
Lighting a cigarette, I think back to this morning.
I received a rather battered package, marked ‘Fragile’, in the mail.
It was empty, with an obviously fake sender’s name and address.
And my name is, I suspect deliberately, misspelt.
The message is clear.
I have always considered myself to be indéchirable, the French word for tear-proof, like that plasticky paper that makes fold-up road maps.
Now, taking a quick smoke break, I’m less sure.
I know trouble is coming.
I’m an experienced waiter, have worked restaurants and bars for many years, and now, only a couple of hours into my shift, I know it’s going to be a long night.
I think about who is already inside.
A few of the boules team, who never eat here, so they’ll be leaving soon.
A couple of Portuguese guys, friends of Rafa, le propriétaire.
Two or three couples, going to le cinéma.
None of these are a problem.
Then there’s the writer.
He’s a foreigner, and no one seems to know much about him.
But no, I don’t think so.
I hear vehicles approaching, then stopping out front.
I see people at the foot of the lane.
When I recognise her voice I realise that my instincts were spot on.
I know who sent the package.
I know why.
And I know this is the last shift I’ll ever work.
So much intrigue!
And we get to decide why, where and when.
He sounds like a man on the run to me.
Yep, you get to decide whatever you like, Dawn!
Good to see you here.
Your first image, the mc squatting against the building and lighting up a cig, set an ominous tone for me. The suspense is killing me, but that’s why this is here, yah?
Well done!
Thanks, Liz, happy it worked for you exactly as I hoped it would.
I’m tying myself up in knots here trying to fill in the gaps and figure out if he’s a good guy or a bad guy. You’ve built a truly intriguing scene, rich with possibilities. Wonderful.
Not everyone is always good or bad, Margaret, and sometimes the past just catches up with us.
Happy you enjoyed it enough to give it such thought.
That’s true. I did enjoy it – and I’m still re-reading it in admiration.
I don’t like to be pushy, but have you considered having a look at my recently published first full-length novel, Beginning of After?
http://bit.ly/42rHFiG
Not pushy at all. Congratulations on the publication! I just bought a Kindle copy. Looking forward to reading it.
Thank you! I look forward to your comments on it.
Looks like Rafa’s going to be a waiter down. Thank goodness I didn’t employ you at my place, Le Bistro Porte de Scène.
I didn’t realise you were a luvvy, Keith!
tho, i read your fiction all the time, i’ve never once clicked on the sound bite. until today. hearing your voice adds so much! my favorite line– when hearing you say it– is, “I see people at the foot of the lane.”
Thank you, Ren, I’m happy that you read my stuff ‘all the time’, and I’m even more pleased that you took the time to listen today and then enjoyed the reading!
I wonder sometimes if it’s worth the effort, your comment will keep me convinced for quite some time.
Thanks again.
you are very welcome! you just never know who is listening and needs a real voice (like when you need a friend but no one is picking-up). <3
That strikes me as rather a sad comment. I hope it’s not the case, Ren.
Intrigue, misdirection and an ending that leaves us in suspenders. Top shelf, CE.
Thanks, Doug, that’s pretty much what I was aiming for!
here’s something weird for a comment*
I really like the use of First Person Present here. There is not merely the immediacy of this POV but, somehow, lends itself to increasing urgency and sharp-angle close (for a climax).
So, yeah Good story. Both as a Reader and a study of the craft
*yeah, I know, knock you over with a feather
Good to see you back too, Clark, and glad the story worked for you.
* and I just – somehow – managed to maintain my equilibrium after that plumed blow!
My emojis aren’t working this morning so I’ll use plain English.
Damn, Blue Eyes! You sure do know how to tell a tale!
And your choice of music? Well, you can spin my discs any time.
Smiling/winking emoji here….
Glad you enjoyed, Nancy, and good to see you back.
How’s the basement?
I always thought a downstairs pool would be cool!
I did, indeed and I knew it couldn’t have been the writer; there’s usually a woman involved in these incidents, isn’t there?
The basement is dry and back to normal. Thanks for asking.
A downstairs pool table is much cooler than a pool and a lot less maintenance.
XOXO
No smiley face for you today.
That hurts, dear Lady, but I’ll settle for those hugs and kisses any time!
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You paint a word picture of a scene that is alive with characters and mounting tension .I thought for sure it would be that writer chap, but no, the twist was there.
You’ve done it again – impec!.
Him?
Nah, he never does nuffink, a vrai purple parakeet!
Glad you enjoyed.