Family – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, the standard, and the prompt photo.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture below, which this week is supplied by J Hardy Carroll


Dad: For the last time, hurry up. And stop sulking.
I hate you.
Mum: It’s okay, honey, dad isn’t really angry, he didn’t mean to hit you.
I hate you.
Dad: Oh come on, why are you always last? Are you mentally retarded, or what?
I hate you.
Mum: Please, sweetie, just leave it, you know dad doesn’t like to be late.
I hate you.
Dad/Mum: Get in the car!
I fumble through my rucksack.
Where is it, where is it, aah…
My hand closes over it.
I hate you.

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47 Responses to Family – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Bill says:

    Very well done, CE. I love this kind of dialogue.
    I did notice in comments, while I assumed a she, as did many of your readers, others assumed a he. Good you left that open with what the item was.


  2. Somehow, although this is all dialogue and action, I can visualize the look on each character’s face, the child’s being the darkest. Nicely done.


  3. I think we’re about to hear the clanging of Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.


  4. draliman says:

    I’m guessing he’s about to orphan himself…


  5. liz young says:

    Mum will wish she’d stood up for him against his father sooner.


  6. I’m guessing it’s his mobile phone, kids are rarely seen without one in their hand these days!


  7. Christ, this doesn’t look good for Dad. Good piece and an awful situation really well told


  8. notestowomen says:

    Oh, Dear. This seems to be taking an ominous turn.


  9. HonieBriggs says:

    Wow. This one packs a wallop.


  10. Poor kid. There are limits – in fantasy or in action – to every endurance.
    Children have little in the way of actual power. And when they go for what they can find, it often only serves to deprive them of power in the long run. That’s the tragedy of it all.
    I can see why he’d hate him.
    Well written!


  11. pennygadd51 says:

    Really well written, CE. The repetition of ‘I hate you’ continues until it stops being a child’s temper and becomes something altogether darker.


  12. Dora says:

    This isn’t going to end well, is it? Stephen King vibes.


  13. Danny James says:

    Bad things are about to happen I predict.


  14. granonine says:

    This child has learned the lessons well that her dad has taught her: Hate. Hate everyone. And of course, that leads me to think whatever is in the bag is a weapon, because I’m sure she hates her teachers and fellow students as well.

    Outstanding writing, CE.


  15. oldentimes says:

    A knife or a gun? How awful ths child’s life has been!


  16. Iain Kelly says:

    Who knows what’s about to come out of the bag, but it doesn’t sound good.


  17. Dee | Grammy's Grid says:

    What bad parents, mine were the same, how sad!


  18. bearmkwa says:

    Now, that is a scary one. Great writing this week.


  19. neilmacdon says:

    It’s not going to be pretty when he takes it out of the rucksack


  20. Dear CE,

    Ominous. I don’t suppose she’s found her lunch money in her rucksack?




  21. Sandra says:

    This has a Lizzie Borden feel about it. I’m hoping that object in the rucksack is just her phone…


  22. Tannille says:

    Dark. The hate screams in volumes…


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