Domesticity – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
And this week the multi-talented lady provides her own photo as the prompt.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on this picture, below.

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Click here to hear the writer read his words:

Domesticity

I gaze around the living room.
Toys litter the floor.
I move into the kitchen.
Cups and cereal bowls sit unwashed beside the sink.
I shake my head in disbelief.
My home is always spotless.
Something terrible has happened.
My perfect wife, my beautiful son, are gone.
But I’m pretty sure I know where they are.
I feel my anger rising.
No one, but no one, does this to me.
My fingers curl into fists.
Someone will suffer.
I am going to take revenge in the way I know best.
I grab the car keys, head for the women’s refuge.

About ceayr

A Scot who has discovered Paradise in a small town he calls Medville on the Côte d'Azur, C.E. Ayr has spent a large part of his life in the West of Scotland and a large part elsewhere. His first job was selling programmes at his local football club and he has since tried 73 other career paths, the longest being in IT, with varying degrees of success. He is somewhat nomadic, fairly irresponsible and, according to his darling daughter, a bit random.
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25 Responses to Domesticity – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Really powerful writing!! 🙂

    Like

  2. I hope they can keep them safe! I love how you have created this character to despise so effortlessly. “No one, but no one, does this to me.” shows his narcissistic behavior and that he views his family as possessions not people.

    Like

  3. Ce,
    I have come back from my Spring fever hiatus. Ha Ha
    Now, let’s get serious. This is a powerful story with a warning message for anyone in an abusive situation. Get out and leave the mess behind. It’s sad, though, at the same time. Couples love each other when they meet and for some reason instead of feeling a greater love as time goes on they take a cruel path.
    I thought this lline was a big visual for me: “My fingers curl into fists”. GREAT write, as always.
    I truly enjoyed listening to your reading it, too.
    Isadora 😎

    Like

  4. Hit me in the gut – besides an abusive marriage in the past, I also volunteered as an emergency phone contact for a local women’s shelter.

    You know you have written something powerful when people react as I did.

    Like

  5. Here in the advancing age of robotics he CAN have the perfect wife. She’ll keep the place spic & span and have supper on the table when he gets home from work–and, never give him any back talk. He can save enough on court fines and lawyers to make a down payment.
    Great piece of sound bite fiction.

    Like

  6. James McEwan says:

    There is a depth of back story in this, the mental anguish of the wife and child, the controlling husband who does not a a single drop of honest compassion. A whole world of despair is opened up in these few words.

    Like

  7. Norma says:

    His spotless home, his perfect wife and his beautiful son all gone. But it seems there is no too far off a place for them, unless he decides that too for them.

    Like

  8. subroto says:

    The rising anger shows the reason why they left. Nice twist in the last line.

    Like

  9. I hated hitting that like button for I fear I do not like this man and what he’s about to do.

    Like

  10. kasturi says:

    Wow! The ending was so powerful and how brilliantly you’ve depicted an unreliable narrator. Awesome!!

    Like

  11. lisarey1990 says:

    A really powerful piece.

    Like

  12. I really hope that she has put more distance between herself and that man… sounds like she will need it…

    Like

  13. Lynn Love says:

    That’s a really powerful read C. That anger that he’s been left, the umbrage he’s taken that his wife has dared to leave and left the place in a mess – it feels so real. Very well done

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh my word! Brilliantly told. Let’s hope the security is good at the refuge.

    Like

  15. granonine says:

    Women’s shelters are never as much of a secret as we think. Men find them. Men do terrible damage. This is too real for comfort.

    Like

  16. Corine Gouy says:

    Maintenant il lui fait peut-être peur ,
    Mais elle apprendra à se défendre
    Et C’est lui ! Qui tremblera.

    Like

  17. Iain Kelly says:

    For once we seem to have seen a similar topic in the prompt, although I fear your protagonist is not going to quit, while mine has run his race! Tense stuff.

    Like

  18. jillyfunnell says:

    Tense and powerful drama here.

    Like

  19. pennygadd51 says:

    You build the tension well in this story, CE. You have me wondering what happened at the women’s refuge.

    Like

  20. I hope someone at the refuge reads this before he gets there!

    Click to read my FriFic tale

    Like

  21. emmylgant says:

    ‘No one, but no one, does this to me’.
    The turning point where the disquieting anomaly turns into seething rage, but it isn’t until the last line that the reader discovers the target of the fury as well as what the man is…
    Well, I can’t say I like the plot line, but the form is impeccable. I walked into the story blind-folded and came out blind-sided!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Dear C.E.

    It looks like she had a good reason for leaving without cleaning up. I hope the women’s refuge has armed guards. Scary.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  23. neilmacdon says:

    Something terrible is about to happen, Great evocation of barely suppressed fury

    Like

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