Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
This week’s seemingly innocent photo by Marie Gail Stratford makes me confront some of my darkest fears.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on this picture, below.
© Marie Gail Stratford
Click here to hear the author read his short tale:
Present Tense
Are you ready, darling?
I stare in disbelief at her smiling face.
As the tennis player almost said, she cannot be serious.
Eyes twinkling, she jiggles the car keys.
That German word struggles into my mind.
Schadenfreude.
She is enjoying my misery.
She knows how I feel about it.
I would rather scrub my cheeky bits with an angry porcupine than go with her.
It is perhaps the cruellest torture ever devised, ever inflicted on man.
And it is non-optional.
Christmas shopping.
I groan, try to push myself out of my chair.
She turns to the door, laughing.
Just kidding!
Lol. Very funny. My Dad would agree and many other men I know.
So it will be the porcupine instead… 🙂
Perhaps, she’s happy just getting tha cash or credit card with no limitations, CE.
I dislike shopping. I would rather make something for someone. But your words
do describe the distateful shopping feeling very well. Merry Chirstmas. : )
Isadora 😎
Oh, Isadora, she was just being nice!
😎
Man after my own heart. Loved the last line.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
Glad you enjoyed, Susan
Sadly shopping has been murdered by greed. In the past visiting a real shop, one would stand or sit – and talk. Shopping was more social, before hard earned cash was handed over. Most modern day shops are soulless.
Yep, at one time we dealt with people we knew.
LOL. Very funny because of the truth that lies within its lines. Most families I think have a shopper and a non- shopper and as the non-shopper in mine this resonated.
Glad I amused you, Irene.
And yes, there is much truth behind the humour.
This made me laugh. You description were very vivid, to say the least.
Happy to hear that, LLDL
A fresh take on the phobia. Nicely told, CE!
For some of us the phobia is very real.
Thanks, Penny
HAhah! Love it! I’m totally sure that’s how my hubs feels on black friday. He’s my place holder in line while I shop. Payback for all the hamfest’s and radio shows he drags me to throughout the year, maybe. 🙂 Love your story, feel your pain.
I will now watch for you in the Obits, no jury will convict him.
Hubby just chuckled at your comment.
Damn, you nailed it this week. That was scary. I thought for a minute she was going to make him go. Pass the porcupine.
A death worse than fate, old pip
I am happy she was ‘ just kidding’ , she should perhaps save the not kidding for more auspicious days like her Birthday or/ and Anniversary.🙂
A humorous take on the trap and a very fun read.
Happy you enjoyed, Moon
What happens when she learns to shop on-line? Does he have to get out of his chair to answer the door bell when the packages start arriving? Just kidding.
Some people enjoy the whole shopping experience, it seems
The wife is aware of his reluctance and gives him an “out”. Good for her. She deserves a nice Christmas present!
So what do you want for Christmas my dear?
Something Expensive!
With sparkly things in yellow metal!
Just talk among yourselves, okay
I’ll stay home with you. Let the frenzy in the stores blow by me for another year.
Pour the wine!
I’ve never enjoyed shopping of any kind if it involves crowds. I love sitting at my computer, ordering something up and having delivered. Ah! That’s the life. Your story made me smile, especially the cheeky bits. But a porcupine?!? Ouch.
Porcupines as sponges not recommended, but preferable to Xmas shopping in December.
‘I would rather scrub my cheeky bits with an angry porcupine’ – if I’d been drinking at the time I read that, my laptop would now be covered in tea! Very funny. And I agree – after a brief jaunt into Bristol city centre last weekend, I asked my other half if we could Christmas shop online this year. It’s hell out there! 🙂
You are a messy slurper, aren’t you, Lynn!
Stay home and stay safe.
Haha! Will do 🙂
I almost choked on my gin and tonic when I read this! Excellent, but then you never fail to entertain.
Click to read my FriFic!
Thanks, Keith, glad you survived the G&T
Ritualistic shopping to boost egos and commercial interests. Banks offer loans to overspend now, and repay at leisure.
Ain’t that the truth, Reena
Yes.It is.
Ha, excellent misdirection and reveal. A good chuckle here 🙂
A good chuckle works for me, Iain
I hate going shopping in any event. The missus and I haven’t celebrated Christmas in many a year and I can’t say I miss it. Oh, the lights are pretty and pine trees smell nice, but I absolutely adore not having to deal with crowds and fighting to buy stuff. Ho, ho, ho. Bring on January 2nd.
Oh, I should say that we do a proper Thanksgiving and Hannukah is very nice, especially with the grandkids.
Like most of the civilised world, I don’t do Thanksgiving.
In a few weeks, I’ll be eating and enjoying my uncivilized barbecued turkey with my family. 😉
Dear CE
I’m actually feel his pain. I used to adore Christmas shopping…getting out among the people. Now I’d rather have an un-anesthetized root canal. There’s a shopping pain to equal his, though. It’s that of accompanying my husband to his favorite hardware store. If you think women are bad about taking their time shopping and comparing bargains, you should see this man in action. Or worse yet, Guitar Center. I’ve refused to ever go there with him again. Aside from that…good story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
We all have our pain threshold, m’lady.
And I guess that the hardware store is not packed with frantic ladies buying too many things they can’t afford for people they don’t like and who don’t want them anyway.
True. Much I could say but will exercise discretion.
I feel your pain. Though I thought she was proposing something much worse.
Worse, Sandra, worse?
Did you miss the porcupine bit?
Porcupines is nothing… in Lancashire they use donkey-stones for that… two of them.
I really hope that donkey-stones are not what I think they might be…
Shop now for Christmas 2018 also. Then you won’t have to do it next year. I feel your pain
Grim, isn’t it, Neil?
The fact he attempted to get up should be heartily commended! 🙂
Yep, for being an idiot!
Some how this read like a true story! Is it? I don’t mind a bit of shopping now and then, but not at Christmas. Can I stay home too?
I do have a not insignificant phobia about supermarkets, a sensory overload thingy.
And yes, Claire, I’ll pour the wine.