Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Today’s photo by Roger Bultot would normally induce a shiver, but I am just back from Scotland so I am immune to cold!
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.
© Roger Bultot
Click here to hear me read this 1-minute story:
The Bath
I am not really a bath person.
Probably because I am so impatient, maybe even impetuous.
I prefer to shower.
I only decide to have a long soak when my aches become too much for me.
And today is icy cold, painfully so, depressingly so.
But I am warm here, my old bones are at ease, and my troubles seem much less important.
At this moment I can hardly remember her face, her hair, her beautiful brown eyes.
Well, I am starting to drift a bit now.
And feeling the effect of the wine.
The water is a pretty pink.
CE, this made me feel so sad. How terrible he was so desperate, had nothing to live for,or thought no one cared about him. That last line is grizzly, I hope though when he gets to the other side, the woman he’s dreaming of is there to meet him. Hugs CE, I hope you enjoyed your week, I have lots of catching up to do reading your pieces so you will have many comments to ponder this weekend 🙂
The final sting in the tale – excellent.
Thank you, Dahlia
You successfully took us all inside his head, C.E. That ending twist violently shook us out. Another case where elderly depression ended tragically. Good writing as usual. —- Suzanne
Thank you again, Suzanne, it is always a joy to read your thoughtful views
Terribly sad ending….or is it?
Thank you for teaching us to reach into the mind.
– Lisa
I am hugely flattered by your comment, dear lady, but suggest that your mind has the ability to teach itself
I was about to agree with the bath/shower thing and then….!
Behave yourself, woman, this is unseemly talk in mixed company
LOL…you should have reads that i cut in the edit! 😉
This is perfection, CE. The story (and the way you read it) lull the reader into that same sense of release. I drifted. And the, the pink water shocked me back. I try not to read the other comments, until I post mine. I wonder if others found it so disturbing? I panicked for just a moment, and then remembered that it’s fiction. The voice is perfect for this one!
Wow, thank you, Dawn, high praise indeed.
As you know, I am sure, a writer lives for such compliments.
And it is good to know that the rickety old brogue still has its uses!
Very well done. You built it up and then the last line just echoes.
Thank you, Sascha
Another brilliantly paced and well written story with a killer ending. (Pun unintended)
Happy it worked for you, Michael
I should’ve known that the pretty pink in the bathtub meant a death. I’ve been away in Tasmania for three weeks and have got out of the groove, which is interesting given that we went to Port Arthur….a brutal convict settlement. That yells Friday Fictioneers!
Wifi was really bad in Tassie so I’m still writing up about the trip but planning to get back onboard next week.
Best wishes,
Rowena
Always a pleasure to have you visit, Rowena, whichever part of the world you are in.
I could say that I’ve currently living in a firery furnace but I live on the coast just North of Sydney.
The same vein runs through the entire block this week. Your telling of your stories gives them a familiar quality that draws the reader/listener in, and I love the rhythm.
Very kind words, Honie, thank you so much
A gently way to go, and he sounds as if he’s ready.
Indeed, Liz, the end of his rope
oh! did not see that last line coming! Glad he at least had the wine 🙂
Laughing at your priorities, Samantha!
hey, the little things are important!
A sad but sensitively written tale. Rosé bath water.
My story is called Stardust
Thanks, Keith
You lifted me out of my chair and you had me visiting a room that you invented, where I witnessed something that I can understand but not approve of. What a beautiful and sad take on the prompt.
What a wonderful comment, thank you very much for this.
Ohh…this was lovely, it was almost as if the individual words floated on the surface of the water you spoke of.
How very kind of you, Jade, I am happy that my words reached you in that way
I was completely identifying with that until the end.Very sad.
Like the song says, Suicide is painless…
Thanks for letting us float along – for a while. I, too, understood what was happening within that last line. Kudos.
Thank you, Alicia, glad it worked for you
Oh how very sad. I got it! Beautifully written.
Thank you, Clare, and well done.
I am glad someone is awake here!
At least he’s considerate enough to limit the mess for whoever has to clean up. Of course, there’ll be that nasty ring around the tub to deal with.
The rubber gloves are under the sink beside the white gunky stuff and the wee rough sponge.
The last line is just right. Subtle and poignant;
Thank you, Jane, I am happy it worked for you.
Oh you… allowing us to drift along, only to leave us in tears that he couldn’t survive without her… I had no doubt the pink was the narrator’s blood…
Just be happy the water isn’t yellow, Dale.
There is that…
Naughty Step for you, Russell, comments about piddling and pooing are verboten on this blog.
That is AnElephant’s domain.
Probably reading too much of AnElephant’s poetry, his Saturday Sob has me slashing my wrists on occasion!
Maybe… well have to send that Elephant some love!
You had me drifting along nicely and then bang, tragic ending and yet peaceful too
No drifting here, Siobhan, there is usually a rude awakening
I did not see where you were leading me. My heart broke with his.
Oh no, it’s just a story, honestly!
I know but it still moved me.
Oh, that last line! You pulled me in and for once, I thought the ending was just going to be calm and sweet … Should have known better. 🙂 Great set up and pay off C
Really, Lynn, I thought there were plenty of clues.
But happy to have caught you out!
Haha! 🙂
Nice if horrifying twist at the end.
Thank you, James
Wow. Brilliant. Your reading even more so. This line, “when my aches become too much for me,” a great foreshadow. And…the drifting away, the effect of wine, the picture of simply slipping away from life, releasing all that pain–due to love. Terrific. Big star this week. 🙂
Thank you, Kecia, what a lovely comment.
Incredible, C.E.! One of your gems. Of course, I was ready with the earphones to listen to the narration. Superb! At first, I thought the pink came from the wine spilled into the water, but I read it again and again. Got it, finally.
Five out of five bleeding elephants. 😉
Far too kind, Kent, thank you.
But 5 Elephants, how big do you think this bath is?
They’re pink, they don’t exist, so the sky’s the limit.
Who doesn’t exist, BigNose?
😀
Ouuu, what a way to go. Good one, CE! Loved it! 🙂 <3
Thank you, dear lady, happy you enjoyed.
Looks like he’s dying in his bath. He is attaining his peace, finally?
Good one!
Exactly!
And thank you.
I’ll echo the “Well done” of the others. That wine has definitely taken effect — next thing he’ll be seeing pink elephants. Or perhaps you had a more sinister pink in mind? Great job leaving the end open.
Thank you, Christine, definitely a more sinister pink.
And more than the end is open!
Très beau 🙂
Merci, Gys, et bisous
I think his sadness is leeching out into the water. I wasn’t expecting the ending. You’d think I would after all this time, wouldn’t you? Good one.
More than his sadness, Sandra!
This clearly did not work as I had hoped.
Thanks
No I knew what you meant. I thought his sadness was his own blood seeping away from him, as opposed to the blood of his victim.
Dear CE,
Such a lovely, warm tale until the last line. Could it be that he’s washing the blood off his hands? Color me confused, too.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Ah, how surprising, m’lady.
I thought I had made it far too obvious with a multitude of clues, but clearly not.
Depression, broken heart and alcohol were just the most blatant until we reach the blood.
Ah well, some you win…
That was my next thought. I should’ve voiced it. Still a winner of a piece. 😉
Hugs
A masterful C E Ayr sting in the tail
Thank you, Neil, very kind.
Oh sad. I feel the loneliness and longing to go to his lost love.
Thanks, Joe, but escaping the pain is the only option, of course.
Me too, the pretty pink stumped me. Beautiful lines Ceayr.
Thank you for your kind words, Neel, the pretty pink is the narrator’s blood.
Beautiful piece, beautiful ending.
Thanks, Iain, I think you got it okay!
I certainly did
Gorgeous!!! I’m not quite sure what you mean by the pretty pink, but I’m guessing it’s a sad ending 🙁 (well, maybe relieving for him). I listened to you read the piece and you read it so well… makes it much more poignant hearing your voice. Well done!
Hi, Jessie, and thank you, glad you enjoyed story and reading.
I think you guessed correctly that the pretty pink is the narrator’s blood.