The Bath – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Today’s photo by Roger Bultot would normally induce a shiver, but I am just back from Scotland so I am immune to cold!
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.

© Roger Bultot

© Roger Bultot

Click here to hear me read this 1-minute story:
The Bath

I am not really a bath person.
Probably because I am so impatient, maybe even impetuous.
I prefer to shower.
I only decide to have a long soak when my aches become too much for me.
And today is icy cold, painfully so, depressingly so.
But I am warm here, my old bones are at ease, and my troubles seem much less important.
At this moment I can hardly remember her face, her hair, her beautiful brown eyes.
Well, I am starting to drift a bit now.
And feeling the effect of the wine.
The water is a pretty pink.

About ceayr

A Scot who has discovered Paradise in a small town he calls Medville on the Côte d'Azur, C.E. Ayr has spent a large part of his life in the West of Scotland and a large part elsewhere. His first job was selling programmes at his local football club and he has since tried 73 other career paths, the longest being in IT, with varying degrees of success. He is somewhat nomadic, fairly irresponsible and, according to his darling daughter, a bit random.
This entry was posted in Sound Bite Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

91 Responses to The Bath – Friday Fictioneers

  1. mandibelle16 says:

    CE, this made me feel so sad. How terrible he was so desperate, had nothing to live for,or thought no one cared about him. That last line is grizzly, I hope though when he gets to the other side, the woman he’s dreaming of is there to meet him. Hugs CE, I hope you enjoyed your week, I have lots of catching up to do reading your pieces so you will have many comments to ponder this weekend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dahlia says:

    The final sting in the tale – excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You successfully took us all inside his head, C.E. That ending twist violently shook us out. Another case where elderly depression ended tragically. Good writing as usual. —- Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. handmadejewelryhaven says:

    Terribly sad ending….or is it?

    Thank you for teaching us to reach into the mind.

    – Lisa

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I was about to agree with the bath/shower thing and then….!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is perfection, CE. The story (and the way you read it) lull the reader into that same sense of release. I drifted. And the, the pink water shocked me back. I try not to read the other comments, until I post mine. I wonder if others found it so disturbing? I panicked for just a moment, and then remembered that it’s fiction. The voice is perfect for this one!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very well done. You built it up and then the last line just echoes.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Michael Wynn says:

    Another brilliantly paced and well written story with a killer ending. (Pun unintended)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Rowena says:

    I should’ve known that the pretty pink in the bathtub meant a death. I’ve been away in Tasmania for three weeks and have got out of the groove, which is interesting given that we went to Port Arthur….a brutal convict settlement. That yells Friday Fictioneers!
    Wifi was really bad in Tassie so I’m still writing up about the trip but planning to get back onboard next week.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

  10. HonieBriggs says:

    The same vein runs through the entire block this week. Your telling of your stories gives them a familiar quality that draws the reader/listener in, and I love the rhythm.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. liz young says:

    A gently way to go, and he sounds as if he’s ready.

    Like

  12. oh! did not see that last line coming! Glad he at least had the wine 🙂

    Like

  13. A sad but sensitively written tale. Rosé bath water.

    My story is called Stardust

    Like

  14. You lifted me out of my chair and you had me visiting a room that you invented, where I witnessed something that I can understand but not approve of. What a beautiful and sad take on the prompt.

    Like

  15. Jade M. Wong says:

    Ohh…this was lovely, it was almost as if the individual words floated on the surface of the water you spoke of.

    Like

  16. I was completely identifying with that until the end.Very sad.

    Like

  17. Thanks for letting us float along – for a while. I, too, understood what was happening within that last line. Kudos.

    Like

  18. Oh how very sad. I got it! Beautifully written.

    Like

  19. rgayer55 says:

    At least he’s considerate enough to limit the mess for whoever has to clean up. Of course, there’ll be that nasty ring around the tub to deal with.

    Like

  20. The last line is just right. Subtle and poignant;

    Like

  21. Dale says:

    Oh you… allowing us to drift along, only to leave us in tears that he couldn’t survive without her… I had no doubt the pink was the narrator’s blood…

    Like

  22. You had me drifting along nicely and then bang, tragic ending and yet peaceful too

    Like

  23. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:

    I did not see where you were leading me. My heart broke with his.

    Like

  24. Lynn Love says:

    Oh, that last line! You pulled me in and for once, I thought the ending was just going to be calm and sweet … Should have known better. 🙂 Great set up and pay off C

    Like

  25. James says:

    Nice if horrifying twist at the end.

    Like

  26. Wow. Brilliant. Your reading even more so. This line, “when my aches become too much for me,” a great foreshadow. And…the drifting away, the effect of wine, the picture of simply slipping away from life, releasing all that pain–due to love. Terrific. Big star this week. 🙂

    Like

  27. wmqcolby says:

    Incredible, C.E.! One of your gems. Of course, I was ready with the earphones to listen to the narration. Superb! At first, I thought the pink came from the wine spilled into the water, but I read it again and again. Got it, finally.

    Five out of five bleeding elephants. 😉

    Like

  28. jellico84 says:

    Ouuu, what a way to go. Good one, CE! Loved it! 🙂 ❤

    Like

  29. Looks like he’s dying in his bath. He is attaining his peace, finally?
    Good one!

    Like

  30. I’ll echo the “Well done” of the others. That wine has definitely taken effect — next thing he’ll be seeing pink elephants. Or perhaps you had a more sinister pink in mind? Great job leaving the end open.

    Like

  31. Sandra says:

    I think his sadness is leeching out into the water. I wasn’t expecting the ending. You’d think I would after all this time, wouldn’t you? Good one.

    Like

  32. Dear CE,

    Such a lovely, warm tale until the last line. Could it be that he’s washing the blood off his hands? Color me confused, too.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  33. neilmacdon says:

    A masterful C E Ayr sting in the tail

    Like

  34. Oh sad. I feel the loneliness and longing to go to his lost love.

    Like

  35. Me too, the pretty pink stumped me. Beautiful lines Ceayr.

    Like

  36. Iain Kelly says:

    Beautiful piece, beautiful ending.

    Like

  37. Gorgeous!!! I’m not quite sure what you mean by the pretty pink, but I’m guessing it’s a sad ending 😦 (well, maybe relieving for him). I listened to you read the piece and you read it so well… makes it much more poignant hearing your voice. Well done!

    Like

Leave your Sound Bite here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s