Friday Fictioneers is hosted by the wonderful Rochelle, the undisputed master of what I call Sound Bite Fiction.
She sets the weekly challenge, and the standard.
Today’s very busy photo prompt by Jean L. Hays gives us a million options to write about.
I went for the obvious one.
The idea, as always, is to write a story of around 100 words based on the picture, below.
© Jean L. Hays
Click here to hear me read my 1-minute story:
Podunk, Arizona
That was the last place I ever saw her.
Two kids, pretending we were in love, living the American Dream.
Driving across the USA, laughing, fighting, making up, almost every day.
Then that last argument.
She thought she won it.
I wanted to visit Grand Canyon, she said stick to the route.
So we followed the song.
I guess I was sulking.
She was making herself pretty, said she was going to have some fun.
They came out of nowhere, started ripping her clothes.
I heard her screams as they kicked me into blessed unconsciousness.
Never heard of her since.
That’s certainly something no one would ever forget. Poor girl. We’re not told if she had a family. Many run away from home and are never heard from again. Sad but often true. Good writing as always, C.E. —- Suzanne
How powerful ! You write was enhanced by your voice. Not all of us sound as authentic on record, but you nailled the prompt and your story still rings in my ears. Excellent.😇
Welcome, Ellen, and thank you, I am delighted that you found so much to your liking.
Please take a look around here, there are more readings in previous posts and in Current Story above.
And ditto to you 😃 pull up a chair and peruse at leisure. A follow a comment or two is all the wage I seek.😚
CE, not sure how you do it: write with such chilling detachment and horror, and then comment as the sweet heart you seem to be… but it chills me. Wonderfully done!
Thank you, Dawn, but has it occurred to you that ‘chilling detachment and horror’ is the real me, and the sweetheart is the fiction?
Hugs
Bah! 😉
pretending to be in love, well that said everything, feel said for her
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/11/the-trading-post-prompt-jean-l-hays.html
As young folk often do.
And perhaps some of us oldies too.
Thank you for visiting and commenting.
His uncaring demeanor adds to the horror of this.
Creepy story.
I know you will take that as a compliment 😉
I do indeed, Dawn, thank you for your kind words.
Violent story but narrated in such a matter of fact tone. Makes the horrors stand out.
Thank you, I am happy that the story communicated itself so well.
nicely told, and his distress at being unable to help comes across very clearly.
Sounds like he literally got his kicks on route 66!
Thank you, sir, but somehow it did not appear to be clear to several others.
I noticed their comments and re-read. I wonder if the last sentence is what muddied the waters? It could be read as being said with a shrug, hence he would sound like he wasnt too concerned? Just a thought
I suppose it can be read with any emotion one chooses, even a laugh.
But, although that is not how it was intended, I am always happy for the reader to interpret as the imagination directs.
i agree, i’m happy to hear other interpretations of things i’ve written.
Poor woman. And he couldn’t help her.
Alas, no, ‘kicked into blessed unconsciousness’
Very vivid indeed. Great twist, you truly get the sense of him being beaten unable to stop the atrocity over well
Thank you, Michael, that was my intent, but you seem to be in a minority here!
Can’t tell if the narrator is happy or sad about what happens. Great story.
Thank you, glad you enjoyed.
Perhaps he is just stunned?
I found this a shocking story and I think it was because of his blasé attitude to what happened to his girlfriend. A good story elicits an emotional response and this good story really did.
I am happy that my story elicited such a strong response, but I am not clear why you think my narrator’s attitude is blasé.
In 100 words much is left to the reader, so I am genuinely curious about this.
I went back and read your story again. I think it is the rhythm in the sentences. I thought this was on purpose and I like it in contrast to the traumatic end. In retrospect it may be more of a numbness rather than blaséness.
Thank you, ma’am, or sir, for taking the time to read again and explain your thoughts.
I read it again myself, trying to be objective, and I think I understand why you thought what you did.
When we write a story, as I am sure you know, it sometimes takes on a life of its own, and is not always interpreted as intended.
This, I believe, can be a good thing, in that it teaches us to review what we write as though through the eyes of another.
Not easy, but worthwhile.
Thank you again.
It’s ma’am, Cindy actually. It is the curse of the written word that it leaves itself open to interpretation. It is also it’s blessing in that it allows the reader to go places the writer may not have foreseen. That is why I love reading vs seeing a movie. When I read I see in my mind what I want, when watching a movie I am limited by what the director wants me to see.
I find FF interesting in the way different people interpret the pictures and in reading the comments in the different way they interpreted the stories.
Very vivid, great pace 🙂
Thank you, Helen, glad it worked for you.
Terrifying! My imagination has conjured up awful visions of who ‘they’ are!
Excellent, Clare.
In a story this short, the reader’s imagination is a key element.
Thank you for playing!
I think things imagined are always far more scary than the known. 🙂
Very true, Clare, probably because we apply our own worst fears, our own monsters, to the scenario.
Note to self: Do NOT go on a road trip with C.E.
How about next week, the boyfriend gets killed and the girl could care less?
You haven’t been invited, Russell.
Although if you bring your charming lady wife, I guess you can carry the bags.
And the poor laddie is distraught here, you are a big meanie to think otherwise.
Second but last line is the saving grace for him, otherwise it would have become too cruel. Nicely done as usual. But these thing frighten me very much murder is better than this.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Indira, interesting what you say about ‘saving grace’.
Sadly, there are many frightening things, and people, in our beautiful world.
You know my English. What I want to say is he was unconscious so could not saved her otherwise I’ll think he has planned it. Yes, there are so many frightening things …
I understood your English perfectly, my dear Indira, I am just surprised that my poor narrator came under so much suspicion!
And not only from you, I have to say.
Wow! That’s a complement. Thanks. But some words still confuse me. He was not happy in his marriage, hence the conclusion.
that was some sad ending for her. i don’t know about him, though
Not too great either, sir!
Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
Thank you, Kate.
I hope you now get 1,000,001 visits!
lol :0)
YIKES …. powerful ending.
I listen to you read the story first. Then, I read it myself.
I was still stunned with the ending. My kind of story. Loved it ….
Have a happy weekend.
Isadora 😎
Now I find it interesting that you listen before you read, I suspect that is not usually the case.
And I am happy to stun you, in the nicest possible way.
Glad you enjoyed it so much.
I’m an audio/visual learner. I understand things best in that way. I discovered that as an adult. 😉
I was wondering what accent you had. When I popped over to Elephant and heard his accent/brogue, I connected the two. 😄
I had a friend (he’s passed on) who was Scottish. He belonged to a Scottish club. He had kilts and swords and spoke of his heritage to me – no, he wouldn’t let me see what was under the kilt – haha … Anyway, I went to an Octoberfest in my town last week, they had a drum and fife band dressed in traditional Scottish clothing. The music was outstanding. The powerful notes rambled through you. It was very intoxicating to lsiten to. I videotaped it and took some photos. I don’t know the history of it all but I was quite enjoyable. AND … yes, the beer was flowing. It’s a shame I’m not a beer drinker. 🍻 But, a bit of scotch would fit me well. 😁
Cheers ..
Isadora 😎
I think that almost anything would fit you well, dear Isadora
That took a very dark turn. I didn’t see it coming.
It wouldn’t have been much of a story otherwise!
Always happy to surprise you.
Wow, dark ending. I love the short snappy sentences.
Thank you, sir.
I use them to build a rhythm, glad it worked for you.
Ye gods! What a memory to have to live with. MAde me shiver.
Shivers (and appeals to the deities) are good, you made my day!
Why you gotta be like that? Totally fell for this sucker punch. I usually see it coming but not today.
Uffff,
Tracey
I guess it is just the way I am.
Sweet and lovable, not.
That’s what makes you so interesting and a little dangerous.
My old hielan’ granny always said I was a sweetheart.
Until I set fire to her.
And you called my story bleak? Ha. This has a brilliant, horrible twist.
Yeah, well, what can I say?
Except thank you.
Terrifying–nice job with this–it really gave me chills.
Terrifying is good, thank you, Emily!
Super narrative, C.E. Makes the “ran out of gas” stories of being late obsolete. 😀
Five out of five blessed unconsciousnesses. 😉
Thanks, Kent, I do like to occasionally introduce some murder and mayhem to the mix.
Kind of the reason Alfred Hitchcock answered when he was asked why he didn’t do comedy. He said, “Everything I have made IS a comedy.” Food for thought, I guess, huh? 😀
pretending we were in love – Mmmm. Perhaps that’s why he can be so blasé about the situation.
Blasé?
Or stunned, perhaps.
At least he survived I suppose… Definitely reminiscent of a movie scene or two. Good one.
Thanks, Iain
I didn’t see that coming – nor did he! Nice one.
My silly story!
Thanks, Keith.
Very poignant. You are a weaver of words. Brilliant.
Thank you, sir, glad you enjoyed.
Beautifully done. Just the right air of detachment that I think the narrator might have had to cultivate after such an experience. It came at me out of the blue, and chilled me to the bone. Well done.
Thank you, Sandra.
I always especially appreciate praise from you.
That turned nasty than I expected. What am I saying? 🙂 Great story and in so few words – strong build and a nasty, brutal end to their road trip. Powerfully done C
You didn’t expect nasty? Oh come on, Lynn, you must have!
And thank you.
Of course I did with the master of nasty twists! 🙂 Not sure your characters did though … 🙂
I love it. I’ve recently learned to both write and appreciate horror. Brilliant.
Very kind words, Rosemary, thank you.
Not kind. Truth.
Not the kicks they were looking for…
Stuff happens…
That’s for sure!
I would say that is a end that you don’t want… have seen only bits of Route 66… but there are places where anything can happen.
In 4,000 kilometres there are likely to be some iffy areas
I agree with Neil, your laconic style adds so much horror. Nice.
Thank you, happy to horrify.
This story is enough to put one off traveling Route 66. Well done.
It doesn’t happen to everyone, Michael!
Just goes to show you: lock the doors. The kicks on Route 66 might be to your head.
It’s a jungle out there…
Dear CE,
This one is graphic and heart wrenching. Vivid descriptions and emotions. Such a tragic ending. Some of your best writing and, as always, I love to hear you read.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you, m’lady, high praise indeed.
I am happy you enjoyed this, and happier still that the reading adds to your pleasure.
Now that’s scary. In 100 words. Brilliantly done in your usual laconic style
Thank you, Neil, glad you enjoyed.