This challenge is produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – ALTERNATIVE
Click here to hear the author read his words:
Acupuncture
My doctor, who is admittedly clueless, suggests I should try some alternative solution, so I go for acupuncture to help with these mysterious sharp shooting pains I’ve been getting in my back, legs, arms and, most painfully, chest.
So I’m on a table, doing my famous impersonation of a deranged hedgehog, or maybe I mean porcupine, clad only in a somewhat inadequate towel, when the nice man indicates an area on my ankle which he is about to attack, saying this is where emotions can be triggered.
Well, in my case it triggers severe anger, causing me to stealthily remove my hidden poignard and stab him in his left eye, for which he thanks me profusely, remarking that this proves the efficacy of acupuncture, as he has never felt better.
At the end of the session I dress, drink a surprising quantity of water, and walk home in sopping wet clothes; you’d think I’d sprung a leak.
On my doorstep I find a small parcel, with a note in the evil scrawling style of my dear ex-wife, a lovely lady who is not, alas, overly fond of me, promising to get me next time.
Unwrapping the neatly prepared package I find a voodoo doll which bears a striking resemblance to myself, except that it has clearly died a terrible death.
Oh my!
Reminds me to watch my P’s and Q’s, and definitely steer clear of my Ex’s!
She is actually very kind and gentle, Liz, she just wants to butcher me as gorily as possible!
(Time to put a shine to the axe blade)?
This short piece on my YouTube channel might appeal to you, Liz:
:-0
First…Doug totally stepped on my line (Full Disclosure: I had a memory-reference to the same C. Porter in mind, however, it came, courtesy of the Mel Brookes movie, ‘Blazing Saddles’)
Have never and, god-willing, will never have to be on puns and needles as described on your pointedly witty Six.
Nice wordplay, Clark, I like ‘pointedly wicked’!
I found a drawing of me with pins and needles, left behind by someone who grew to be very close to me. I guess there’s hope.
Don’t they say it’s the hope that kills, Lisa?
My word, what a life you lead!
Imagine the death I’ll have , Keith!
I like that clueless doctor and the proof of the efficacy of acupuncture. It looks like his ex is not going to get over him.
Happy you found bits you liked, Frank,
She’ll probably lighten up after I die gruesomely.
Never marry a voodoo queen.
Sound advice, Mimi
“this proves the efficacy of acupuncture, as he has never felt better.” LOL!
I quite liked that line too, Michael!
Oooh… Now that’s pure evil.
Laughing. Cool!
Oh, this is splendid, C.E. I wouldn’t want to cross your ex!
She’s really a sweetheart, Chris, just wants to watch me die horribly!
great imagery and quite funny
I’ll settle for ‘quite funny’, sir, thank you!
What images this story conjures up!
Such an joyously unrestrained tale.
Made me smile.
And the suitably wicked twist at the end.
I imagine they were coincidental, but the couple of muffled bangs at the end of the recording fitted spookily in with the story.
Yeah, that would be the porridge talking back, Jenne!
‘Do do that voodoo that you do so well’ as Cole Porter would have said to your ex-wife. Hilariously inventive and yes, clever clogs, you made me look up poignard. 🙂
Thanks, Doug, maybe I should have used a boomerang?
Oh my… hilarious! 😀
That made my day, Susan, thank you!
C.E. What dark humor, you, lol. But I do love a good voodoo story!
Glad you enjoyed, Denise, and no point in noir without a wee chuckle, hmm?